


Suicide Sitters Or: How the Villains Became the Guardians

by DistressExpress



Category: DC Animated Universe, Suicide Squad (2016), Suicide Squad (Comics)
Genre: Gen, if you were looking for joker x harley you've come to the wrong place
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2018-08-10 11:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7842763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DistressExpress/pseuds/DistressExpress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Floyd Lawton AKA Deadshot, has been tasked with heading down to Houston, Texas to go take out some targets for a decent amount of cash. Only problem is, he managed to get stuck with his daughter, and is incapable of taking her with him. He can't trust a normal nanny, they might recognize him and alert the cops. He doesn't have too many friends. Who can help him out?<br/>Time to call in a favor from two of the squad members, the only two that wouldn't kill-and can take care of-a kid;<br/>Harley Quinn and El Diablo.<br/>Who were you expecting? Killer Croc?<br/>Seriously though, these two are stuck with Deadshot's daughter, and have to make sure she's safe. If anything happens to that girl, both of them are getting a bullet from the best sniper around.<br/>There's a lot to find out about the two in their adventure in watching after a child.<br/>Will everything go according to plan?<br/>Will Deadshot's daughter live?<br/>Will anyone attempt to get in between Harley and Diablo?</p>
<p>Well beats me, all your answers are beyond here<br/>Quit wasting your time here, and go read!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sunday

 

When the phone went off and he answered it, El Diablo didn't believe what he was hearing. He convinced himself he had simply heard wrong, as the caller was talking fast.

“Que? Aye, aye, slow down. Repeat yourself.”

“I said I need you to do me a favor.”

“Which is?”

“Watch my daughter.” Diablo frowned as he leaned against his kitchen counter. He definitely heard it that time.

“Is this one of your sarcastic jokes, Deadshot?”

“For once, no. I’m stuck with her, but I need to go deal with a new target or two. Some shit’s going down in Texas and I gotta get down there. I need someone to take care of her, because there’s no fucking way I’m taking her with me.”

“And you couldn’t hire a nanny with the millions of dollars you have received from murdering people?” Deadshot scoffed from the other side of the phone.

“I’m not trusting anyone who doesn’t already know I’m a criminal and doesn't give a shit. I don’t want her brought in for questioning.” Although the idea of leaving a daughter with a high class criminal seemed extremely idiotic, Deadshot did have a point. Mainly about the questioning. “So, are you gonna help me or be a prick about it?” Diablo rolled his eyes before considering the idea. He’s had kids before. Besides, it’s better he’s watching over the kid than Killer Croc or Boomerang.

“...fine. I’ll watch her.” Deadshot let out a relieved sigh.

“Great. I’ll tell Harley she has a partner.” His eyes widened.

“Harley? Wait a minute, you did not-”

“Take it up with her, amigo. I’ll send you the address, get your ass over there by one. Oh, and if even the tiniest scratch is on that kid? You’re getting a bullet between the eyes. Understand me?” Diablo was slightly taken aback.

“Señor, you know I would never hurt a child, nor a girl.”

“Why do you think I’m asking you? Just don’t let anything happen to her.” He was about to ask about Harley again when the phone clicked, and returned to the dial tone. He glared at the phone before shutting it off and tucking it away in his jeans pocket. He needed to get ready, it was eleven and he should probably talk to Harley.

_So, I’m going to have to take care of a little girl again. But this time, nothing’s going to happen. He repeated the last part of his thoughts as he went into his bedroom to grab a couple of things._

 

“Really?! Well, aren’t I the luckiest lady!” Harley’s voice sang in Diablo’s ear as he walked down the streets in L.A. with a bag slung over his shoulder. He was heading towards the address Deadshot gave him while trying to talk to his new partner in babysitting. “So, why did he pick you?!”

“I’ve had kids, I don’t like killing people, and I swore to never kill a woman nor child.” He said coolly as he continued to head towards his destination. “And you?”

“Not sure! I guess I like kids, so this should be fun!” Diablo gave a small smile. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as he imagined. “Oh, I could play dress up with her! Girls like that, right?” Okay, this might be fun but hard.

“Yes, I believe. Just, don't use your clothes.” He stopped in front of a large apartment building. His brown eyes trailed over the darkened windows and cracked walls. Who lived here? Deadshot could afford a mansion with the money he made. Surely it couldn't be his place.

Diablo walked into the building, only to be met with bright red walls and a clean lobby. Everything on the inside looked absolutely stunning. Even the couches looked wonderful. The phrase “beautiful on the inside” never seemed so real.

“Aw c’mon, why not?! She would love my clothes!” Harley interrupted.

“Because, they're rather...revealing.” She made an annoyed noise on the other side of the phone.

“Oh please! That's coming from the man who never wears a shirt.” He rolled his eyes as he headed into the elevator. He had to go to the second floor, room six.

“To be fair, mine usually burn off. It's not my fault. Why wear something you're just going to lose?”

“Mm, I suppose. Fine, I will only let her use my church clothes.”

“You go to church?”

“Ha! No! That's just what I call my non-stripping uniforms!” Diablo made a face at the comment before hitting the second floor button.

“You? A stripper?”

“Yeah! I work at Mr.J’s club!” He pursed his lips. Ah yes, The Joker. The psychopath who stole Harley’s sanity. Diablo made sure to avoid that clown at all costs.

“You still do that?”

“Yeah, of course! But I told Deadshot I'll take a break. Can't let his kid out of sight, or we’re dead, right?”

“Heh, very true, amiga.” The elevator doors opened and he lowered the phone for a moment. A man in a business suit stared at him with a look of shock on his face. Diablo carefully went past him, forcing himself not to look back. He hated when people stared at his face, it felt so weird. It was just tattoos, not like he was missing any skin.

“Are you almost here?” Harley’s voice chirped from his phone. He raised it again as he headed down the hall.

“I'm in the hallway. I'm just not sure where the room is-” He jumped as a door flew open. A short girl stepped out with a huge grin on her pale face. Half of her hair was blonde, the other being red. Both sides was in pigtails. She had on thigh high stockings with black and blue boots. She had booty shorts to barely cover her rear, with a tight crop top and a leather jacket.

Diablo dropped his bag at the sight of her, mainly because she scared the crap out of him, but the attention-calling look didn't help either.

“Heyo, Satan!” Harley called, waving him over with a gloved hand. He remained still for a minute, still trying to process the colors thrown in front of him.

Harley scoffed before sassily walking up to him. “What?! Did I scare you? Come inside, I'll grab your bag!” She bent over to pick it up as her shorts rode up on her. Diablo looked away until she was standing straight again. She looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. “You good, skelly?”

“...let's just go inside.” He ushered Harley forward as the two headed into the apartment. It was beautifully decorated, and had very calm and mild colors to decorate the walls and match the furniture. The first area consisted of the living room, with a huge flat screen TV, and a kitchen.

Diablo let out a small whistle before shutting the door behind him. “Ay caramba.”

“What does that mean?” The half blonde asked.

“Hot damn,” he translated. She made a small “oh” noise.

“Right! I knew that, hehe!” She gave a small wink. “Let me show you to your room.” Harley scampered past both rooms to head down a hallway. He walked after her, trying to take in everything. The place was very nice, at least compared to his.

“We get our own rooms?” He questioned as he turned a corner with her. The half blonde guided him to the last door in a branched off hallway.

“Yeah! Deadsy has some extra rooms, so we get to stay in one. That's fair for babysitting for a week, right?!” He raised his eyebrows.

“A week? Really?”

“Well, at least a week, yeah! He's got a lot of people to take care of in Houston, hehe. You know about that, right?” Diablo cracked his jaw before grabbing the doorknob.

“He said two people, which I tried to overlook. I suppose as long as his daughter is safe, I can let it slide.” In truth, he was far from letting it slide, but would prefer to be quiet about it and take care of the child.

He opened the door and stepped inside. It looked like a hotel room, minus a bathroom attached. Everything was neat and wonderfully arranged. It was a beautiful sight.

Harley set his bag down on the floor. “I'm gonna go clean up! Holler if you need me.” She was about to leave when Diablo lightly grabbed her arm.

“Aye, uno momento. Harley, I hate to ask but perhaps you should change your outfit? Just to something more appropriate for the little girl.” Harley looked like she was going to protest when he added, “Por favor, señorita.” She let out a sigh before brushing her hair off her shoulders.

“Fine! Fine. I'll be right back! I'm right across the hall!” She disappeared out the door and went into a door vertical to Diablo’s room. He blinked before smiling at her previous spot. Harley seemed like a more tolerable girl than he expected.

The man walked over to the mirror as he examined his tattooed face. It shadowed his features nicely, but it made him look intimidating. He didn't want to scare the little girl.

What am I going to do with these? He could always cover the tattoos on his arms and chest but his neck and face were stuck with this. Unless Harley had foundation to match his skin color, which was doubtful considering her skin was as white as a cloud, he was going to have to continue to be the skeleton man.

“Harley? Are you changed into something more appropriate for Floyd’s hija?” he called out into the hall. He was running his thumb under the tattoos around his eye. He still didn't know what he could do. Maybe it wouldn't scare off the little girl.

“Yep! I think you're gonna like it,” Harley sang. Right after she said that, her bedroom door flew open. Diablo peered over to see the half blonde once again. Her hair remained in pigtails, but the rest of her had changed. She had on a leather, strapless top with laces in the middle to attempt to cover exposed skin. It showed off her chest and stomach, but kept the tiniest bit of imagination. The top stopped right above her hips and left space between her tight shorts. They had diamond designs and showed mostly everything. As usual, she wore thigh high socks with knee high black boots. She had a very interesting sense of fashion, almost as interesting as her definition of the word “appropriate”.

“So? Whaddaya think?” Harley chirped. Diablo let out a small sigh.

“Aye, dios mio,” he murmured under his breath.

“Awe, thank you!” She leaned against the doorframe and raised a leg to be against the other side of it. He rolled his eyes before walking up to Harley.

“Señorita, I mean no disrespect, but I really don't think that's an appropriate outfit to wear around a young girl.” She glared at him as she lowered her leg onto the floor.

“You are absolutely no fun. Sorry, Devil, this is about as appropriate as my closet allows me to be.” He frowned at her.

“Don't call me Devil. I can stand Diablo enough.” He raised an eyebrow. “What happened to your ‘church’ clothes?” Harley snickered.

“You’re lookin at ‘em!” She flashed a big grin before sauntering up to her friend.

He rubbed the corners of his eyes. “Jesus Christ...I'm afraid to know what else you wear,” he murmured under his breath. She laughed at the comment.

“You should be! You'd probably flip.” Diablo rolled his eyes before glancing down at himself. He had on a white shirt with his letterman jacket. Although he wanted to cover his tattoos, he'd rather have Harley conceal her exposing outfit.

“...I have an idea.” He slipped off his jacket, showing off the tattoos lacing his arms. Harley raised her eyebrows.

“Huh? What are you-” In a flash, the half blonde was wearing the man’s jacket. He buttoned it up all the way before stepping back with a smile.

“There. You look lovely.” She looked down at herself with a mostly confused look. Her blue eyes trailed back to him, accompanied by a smirk.

“Gracias,” she said in her high pitched voice. Just for spite, she undid two of the buttons to take away some imagination from a viewer’s head. Diablo huffed, but still wore a smile.

“De nada, Harley.” He had to restrain himself from laughing, as the jacket was oversized on her. The sleeves went past her fingertips, and the torso ended about where her stockings began. She actually looked nice.

“What's the time, hot stuff?” Diablo took out his phone and pressed the power button to bring up a clock.

“It's...one thirty? Huh, I did not think we’ve been here for so long.”

“Well when did you get here?”

“One, ish, just like Deadshot asked. Time flies, eh?” Harley snickered as she rolled up the cuffs of Diablo’s jacket.

“Absolutely! We were having fun, so it makes sense! Right?” He nodded at her while he checked his messages. The last message he was sent explained Deadshot’s daughter would arrive around two, coming from soccer practice or something, but he needed to arrive early.

“Looks like we have some time before the little girl arrives. Maybe we could-”

“Oh! Why don’t we do makeovers?! That way we both look good! And you'll leave me alone about looking ‘inappropriate’! Whaddaya say?”

“...que?”

“Kay?! Great!”

“Wait, that's not what I-” Too late. Diablo was yanked into Harley’s room before he could utter any words of protest.

 

About an hour later, the two were completely wrapped up in their activity rather than checking the time. It had completely escaped them. Diablo had gotten a flannel to cover his tattoos, while Harley had taken off her makeup and did her best to not look like a clown. She even helped him out a little by outlining the tattoos on his face with her red and blue eyeliner. It looked like he was going to a Dia de Los Muertos celebration.

Now, Diablo had been tasked with doing Harley’s hair, even though he hadn't done anything like so in a long time. He was brushing out the red side while trying to figure out what he could do besides pigtails. Her hair looked nice down.

“So then I kicked him in the balls!” He cringed at the thought.

“Jesus, Harley.”

“Hey, he deserved it! The guy was a complete asshole. He was trying to get up on my girl, and I was like ‘Bitch, fuck no, fight me, let's go here and now.’” He chuckled. Harley was a very colorful, and amusing character. Her sense of humor was brighter than the colors of her hair.

“I am sure he did. Who is your girl?” She seemed to brighten at the question.

“Oh, Poison Ivy, ‘course! She's a fiery redhead who controls and communicates with plants. The normal ginger agenda, am I right?” He snickered at the joke as he began to brush the blonde side.

Harley tilted her head back with a smile. “I gotta say, whoever your wife was, she was a lucky lady. A man who can do hair and laugh at all her jokes? Now that's something!” Diablo gave her a weak smile in response. The mention of his wife always made him quiet.

“Joker laughs at your jokes, no? That clown is always laughing,” he said with a slight bitterness in his tone. She cackled.

“Ha! I wish. He never likes my jokes, heh.” He frowned slightly before finishing up with her hair. He grabbed a hair tie and started a braid in the side of her head.

“Only a man who posses a stone heart could not laugh at such comedic remarks.” The half blonde beamed up at the man.

“Awe! You're such a sweetheart! You're single, right?”

“Harley.”

“Kidding! Kidding, hehe.” She glanced to the side to attempt to see what Diablo was doing. “...are you...braiding?!”

“Before I became a full on criminal, I did take care of my daughter. You would be surprised how much a father can learn,” he said softly. The woman smiled sweetly.

“You're definitely in charge of taking care of this kid.”

“Why?”

“You're a really good dad! Besides, I never had...kids.” He finished with the red side and moved onto the blonde area. It was coming together nicely.

“I am sure you would be a great mother,” he commented as he began the second side braid.

Harley let out a small sigh. “Maybe. Maybe.” She seemed lost in her head, distracted by a thought. Diablo looked down at her with a frown. He decided to change the subject.

“Did I ever tell you my name?”

“You telling me Diablo was a lie all this time?” He snorted and let out a small laugh. She was actually pretty funny.

“No, it's just a nickname. Or, street name, if you must be specific.”

“Like Harley?”

“Er, yeah. Although, to be fair, Harley is taken from your real name, yes?” She gave a nod before jumping up.

“Hey, careful with the hair, señor!”

“Lo siento. Anyways, before I was El Diablo, my name was Chato Santana.”

“Did you say Chapo?”

“No, Chato. With a T. El Chapo is a high class criminal from México.” Harley tilted her head back to look at Diablo in the eye.

“So you're El Chato?”  She flashed a grin. He returned a smirk.

“Chato is more preferred-”

“El Chato it is!” She winked up at him. He just snickered as he finished her side braid. He sat back to make sure it came out okay.

“Aye, bonita. All done.” The half blonde moved her head to stare into the mirror attached to a dresser against the wall. Her blue eyes lit up.

“Damn! You're amazing!” Her long nails traced over both braids. She seemed entranced, while Diablo was flattered.

“Gracias. You know-” The two stiffened as they heard a door open. They exchanged a glance before they both stood up. Harley grabbed her bat from against the wall as Diablo balled his hands into fists. The pair stepped out into the hall and walked to their right.

Harley poked her head around the corner. “I got it,” she hissed before moving to sneak up on the intruder. It had it's back to the half blonde, and seemed distracted while looking for something. Diablo stared for a moment before his eyes widened.

“Harley, no!” he yelled before running forward and grabbing her bat, which was in mid swing. The person immediately turned around with narrowed, brown eyes. It was a man.

The woman dropped her jaw. “Deadsy?! Is that you?!”

“Yes. Who did you think?” Deadshot wasn't wearing his armor, or mask. He had on a black suit with his hair gelled back. The man appeared as if he were heading to a formal dance. He looked too fancy to be in that area of town.

“I didn't even recognize you! You look so...normal!” He rolled his eyes at her as he adjusted his jacket.

“I have to. My daughter doesn't like my work, so between us? It's a business trip. Capiche?” Harley saluted while Diablo just gave a nod. If it meant the girl would sleep easier at night, thinking her father wasn't murdering anyone, he wouldn't say a word.

“Where is the little child?” Diablo asked. Deadshot glared at him before glancing at the door.

“Elevator. She’ll come up, I'll introduce you, give a goodbye, then I'm gone. I'm limited on time, so I'll remind you again - if anything happens to my little girl, I'm offing both of you. Understand?” They both nodded. “Good. Protect that girl like it's your life. And if you-”

“Aye, aye, we get it, we are dead if the girl is dead. Relax, señor. Is there any directions you need to give us?”

“Yeah. She has school from nine to three thirty. You have to drive her. And if she needs anything, get it for her. If you have questions, just call.” He turned and left the apartment abruptly. Harley and Diablo glanced at each other in surprise.

“Well, he was helpful,” she muttered sarcastically. He nodded in agreement.

After a minute, the door slowly opened again. Deadshot was holding it against the wall. Right after, a little girl stepped into the doorway to stare up at the half blonde and the man with a shaved head. She had beautiful black hair done up in a ponytail. Her dark brown eyes slowly climbed up to stare at the two adults. She look mesmerized.

“Guys, this is Zoe. Zoe, this is your...aunt and uncle, Harleen and...and…” Deadshot raised an eyebrow at Diablo.

“Chato.”

“Right, Chato, heh.” Zoe smiled sweetly at the pair.

“Hello. If you're my aunt and uncle, how come I've never seen you before?” Harley and Diablo exchange a shit, we’re in a corner look.

“Uh...we were...we um-”

“That's because I've been in Mexico for twelve years! With your darling uncy Chati!” Harley wrapped her arms around Diablo, who looked startled. “I went down there to study for my sixth year in college, and ended up meeting this hunk right here! We decided to come back up when your dad called us. Someone's gonna need to take care of you while he meets with his client to close the deal with his company! Ain't that right, sweetie?” She fluttered her eyelashes up at him.

Diablo stared down at her in shock. He was impressed. That was a genuinely realistic story, too. “Sí, sí, we have not been around since before you were born, but we are very glad to finally meet you.” He bent down to be on one knee. He held out his hand for a shake. Zoe hesitated before she walked forward and lightly shook it. He smiled at the little girl.

Harley leaned over to rest her chin on Diablo’s head. “Aw, you're such a cutie!”

“Heh, yes, an angel.” Zoe beamed at the two. She lowered her hand and looked over the two. Everything was going good, the girl had warmed up to them.

And then she opened her mouth.

“So you're Mexican? Are you my mom’s or my dad’s sister? What's with all the paint on your face? Why are you so pale? Why do you look like a skeleton? Why do you have red hair? Is that normal, or can I get hair like that? Do you speak Spanish? Where is your hair? Who-”

“Okay, okay sweetie. You can ask them questions later.” Harley and Diablo were both pale in the face.

_So many questions…_ He thought as he moved to stand up again.

_Hoh boy_. She said in her head.

“Aw, but I-”

“You can interrogate them all you want, but I have to go. Give daddy a goodbye hug.” Deadshot held out his arms as Zoe turned to give him a tight hug.

“When will you be back?”

“As soon as I can. Don't worry, you're in good hands. Right?” He shot a look at Harley and Diablo, who quickly nodded. He smirked before letting go of his daughter. “Goodbye. Be good to your aunt and uncle, okay?” He ruffled Zoe’s hair, who giggled at the gesture.

“I will. Bye, dad.” Deadshot gave her a light kiss on the forehead before he exited the apartment.

As soon as the door was shut, the little girl was staring at the two adults, or temporary guardians. “Is he going to kill someone?” she asked innocently. Diablo did a double take.

“No, not at all! He's really going to a business meeting! Your dad has other important things to do than murder people, silly!” Harley was a good liar. He wondered what else she stretched the truth on.

“Alright...so?”

“So what?” Harley tilted her head.

“Aren't you gonna answer my questions?” The man and the woman exchanged a glance before he took a breath.

“My ethnicity is Hispanic, but I am most familiar with Méxican culture.”

“Your dad’s!”

“It is traditional Dia de Los Muertos attire. Harley-een was trying out her new makeup on me.”

“This is my natural skin tone! I uh don't go out in the sun that much.”

“That’s just how the makeup is supposed to look like.”

“I like red! And uh...it’s dye, not real. Maybe, may-” Diablo shot her a glare. “...maybe not, eheh.”

“Sí, I do. Fluently, I might add. I shaved my head, that’s all. Do you have any more preguntas?” After a second of both females staring at him with a confused look, he translated, “Questions.”

“I thought you lived in Mexico for twelve years. Isn’t it sunny down there? Shouldn’t you be tan? Do you speak Spanish too? How long have you been married-” Harley put her hand over the child’s mouth. She took a breath before she shot out answers.

“It is. I didn’t get out, and I was always pale so I had to put on a lot of sunscreen and never really got the chance to tan. A little, but he usually translated. Eight years. Are we good with questions now?”

“Just one more!” The half blonde sighed but forced a smile.

“Sure!”

“Why does your jacket say ‘Diablo’ on it? Who’s Diablo?” She glanced up at Diablo, who furrowed his brow.

“...that’s my jacket, actually. Diablo is what they called me in...in the uh...er...g-”

“Army! Right? You were in the army for a little bit?” He blinked at her in surprise. Another quick lie from the amazing Harleen Quinzel.

“Uh, yes! Yes, indeed. That is correct.” He stepped behind Harley to cover the Hillsiders logo on the back of the jacket.

“Why would you put your army nickname-”

“Hey! You said one question, and that was one!” Zoe pouted, but brightened as Diablo gave her a light pat on the head.

“So, how old are you, angel?” He said sweetly.

“I’m eleven.” She gave a toothy grin.

“Well then, you're definitely old enough to have a makeover! C’mon, I bet I could do your hair too!” Harley picked up the little girl with a big grin and carried her out of the room. Diablo watched them with a small smile.

After a moment, he leaned against the kitchen island, and attempted to recall everything that had just transpired.

_So...I am married to Harley Quinn, I lived in Mexico for twelve years, I was in the military, and I just have makeup on._

_Good lord._

 

It was now seven PM. Harley was chatting along with Zoe, doing her best to know as much about the little girl as she possibly could, while Diablo was attempting to make dinner. Good luck with that.

“So, do you like school?” The half blonde asked sweetly.

“Eh, it’s okay. Pretty boring, though. My teacher never shuts up.” She giggled at the comment before lightly elbowing Zoe.

“Hey, that’s better than my teachers used to be. I once got hit over the head with a ruler!”

“Whoa! What did you do?!”

“I tripped a kid, and he flew face first into a wall. But you shouldn’t do that,” she quickly added. The raven haired girl gave a small snort.

“I won’t, I promise.”

“Pinky promise?” Harley held up a pinky. Zoe intertwined her own around it and shook her hand a little.

“Pinky promise!” They both laughed together happily. Diablo glanced over at both of them and beamed. He admired Harley for being so in touch with her child side. She was very good at interacting with the little girl. They were practically best friends already.

“La cena está lista!” He called over to the gals in the living room. Harley looked over with a raised eyebrow.

“English, please.” He rolled his eyes.

“Dinner is ready. Or the dinner is ready, if you want to get specific.” The woman snickered before she got up with the little girl and headed over to the kitchen.

“Whaddya make?” The man laid out two plates with chicken enchiladas on the table.

“Eh, nothing special. Just something from Mexico.” He smirked at Harley, who grinned back.

Nice thinking, El Chato! she spoke in her head.

“Oh cool! Thank you!” Zoe immediately sat down and started eating, while Harley hesitated.

“Hey, where’s your dish?”

“I don’t need to eat right now, honestly. Plus, I don’t trust my own cooking.” She rolled her eyes at him.

“Oh c’mon, you have to eat something!” He waved her off.

“I’m fine really.”

“Diablo.”

“Harley.”

“Chato.”

“Harleen.” Zoe watched them like it was tonight’s entertainment. “Really, I am fine.” He turned his back to her to face the stove, to double check the pan. Harley grabbed a fork from the table and picked up a piece of the enchilada with it. “Besides, I-” He turned around, only to have chicken forced into his mouth by the woman, who was snickering. He fell back and stared at her with a slight annoyance in his eyes.

“You need to learn to listen, mister.” The man held his throat for a moment before he swallowed the food. Diablo glared at her once he wasn’t choking. His nose was scrunched up and his eyes looked like they might light on fire. He seemed to tower over her, but it did not affect the woman. She burst out laughing at his face before dropping the fork and hooking her arm around his neck. He relaxed slightly but still looked mad. After a minute of her laughter, he joined in with a cracked smile, and picked her up off the ground in a bear hug. She howled with laughter, which was incredibly infectious. Even Zoe was laughing! 

After a minute or several of this, Harley was back on the floor and leaning against Diablo, both of which were trying to regain their breath. Laughing takes a lot of energy, apparently. 

“You gonna eat now?” He looked like he was about to protest when the half blonde shot him an evil look. He blinked down at her. Diablo trying to look intimidating just seemed to make her laugh. That was understandable, since it was sort of like a joke. He would never do anything, he’s just there to look like a hot head with a sweet heart. 

“...fine.” He muttered and moved to grab a plate. She giggled as she moved to sit down across from Zoe. 

“Bien chico! ...was that right?” He sat down at the end of the table, in between the girls. He gave a light hearted laugh at Harley’s attempt at Spanish. 

“Close enough.” 

Sunday family dinners are always the best, aren’t they?

 

Later into the evening, the three bad decided that it was probably time to head to sleep, especially Zoe. She was barely awake. 

The three were on the couch together, watching TV, when Diablo hit the power button.

“Time for bed,” he said drowsily. Harley groaned. 

“But I'm not tired…” she whined. He gave a light chuckle before standing up and helping her onto her feet. 

“Even the child does not complain. Come on, let us go. Zoe, do you need us to do anything for you?” The little girl shook her head before she jumped off the couch and headed into the hall. Diablo lightly pulled Harley along as he trailed after Zoe.

The couple went to the left while the girl went to the right, the side of the hall with her bedroom. She noticed Diablo and Harley about to go into their rooms, separated. “What are you guys doing?” Both adults turned around, looking surprised. 

“Que? What is wrong?”

“You're married, you share a room. That's what my parents used to do. Why is she going in a different room then you?” The two exchanged a glance. The half blonde wasn't really sure how to answer that. It was true, most couples did share a room, just to be together, and it wouldn't make too much sense to be apart. She tried to think of a lie, but nothing came up. 

“She is not.” Harley was taken aback at Diablo's cool approach. “Harleen was just going to grab her bag, as she previously placed it in the extra room. Harley, get whatever you need and then come to bed, okay?” He gave her a gentle smile. 

Zoe seemed pleased. “Night, auntie and uncle.” 

“Goodnight, little one.” Diablo glanced at Harley before he motioned for them to head down their hall. The little girl disappeared into her room as the man went into his, and sat down on his bed. He stayed silent until the woman walked in, and shut the door behind her. She had a purse dangling from her arm. He looked up with a small frown. He was about to speak when the half blonde piped up first.

“Nice save. I had no idea what to tell her, honestly.” She flipped her hair back and off her shoulders. 

“Harley, I am sorry I made such a rash-”

“Oh, knock it off! You're a genius, don't worry about it!” She sat down next to Diablo with a big grin. He smiled back before he moved to sit up.

“You can have the bed, I-”

“Come back here.” She grabbed his arm and yanked him back down. “Stop being such a gentleman. Get in your PJs and then get your ass back in here.” Harley gave a wink and a giggle before she jumped off and and walked to the other side of the room. He watched her with an emotionless expression before he stood up. Diablo threw off his flannel and took off his jeans before he sat down again. Harley jumped next to him with his jacket still wrapped around her, and plaid red, fluffy pants. 

“You look wonderful,” he said softly. She snickered before her eyes widened.

“How are you sleeping in boxers and a tank top?! It's October, and freezing!” He just gave a small shrug.

“I am mainly made of fire, I am fairly warm. Winter does not bother me.” 

“Mind if I steal all the blankets, then?” He chuckled quietly before he folded his side of the blanket on top of hers, and pulled it over her. She stared a moment before she grinned at him brightly. 

“I wish you no nightmares, Harley Quinn. Buenas noches.” 

“Same, El Chato. Hehe.” The two laid down and allowed themselves to drift off into their heads, filled with sins and regrets. 

At least they were in it together.

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first full day of babysitting comes into play. The morning starts out with a big rush as Harley and Diablo have to get Zoe to school - and QUICK - but will they run into some complications?  
> Although, that's probably going to be the least of their troubles soon.  
> "Whats that supposed to mean?"  
> You'll see, my dear readers

“Wake up! Wake up, c’mon!” El Diablo frowned as he felt hands shaking him. His brown eyes flew open. 

“Huh? W-what? What’s going on? Donde es ella?!” 

“You have to get up, school’s gonna start soon!” His vision cleared as he looked over who was shaking him. A little girl with black hair and brown eyes was shaking his shoulders to try and get him to get up. He let out a slight groan before he waved her off.

“Okay, okay. I am getting up. Go get ready,” he murmured groggily. The girl disappeared and Diablo was left to lie there. He wanted to go back to sleep, but forced himself to attempt to get up. However, something held him down. 

“Mrmph…” He looked to his right to see a woman with half red and half blonde hair strewn across her face. She had herself wrapped around Diablo and, like himself, didn’t want to move.

“...Harley,” he whispered. She stirred, but didn’t open her eyes. “Harley.” He spoke louder this time. Her nose twitched.

“Mmph...whaaat?” she whined. 

“We have to wake up.”

“Ugh...five more minutes, mom.” She proceeded to bury her face into Diablo’s side, who stiffened at the gesture. After a moment, he relaxed with a smile.

“I pray you are a morning person,” he mumbled before he pulled Harley onto him and sat up. He threw her over his shoulder and held her tightly as he exited the room. She dangled over onto his back, seeming pleased with the gesture. Thank God.

Diablo headed into the kitchen to see Zoe, the little girl, eating a pancake rather quickly, with a backpack in front of her on the table. She seemed very determined to hurry up. “Oh, great, you’re up! You can drive me to school, right?”

“...escuela? You mean...oh.” His eyes went wide. 

It’s Monday. 

“Aye, dios mio, uno momento, chica. Harley, Harley wake up.” He sat the half blonde down at the table, and gave her a little shake.

“Eugh...what?” she groaned. 

“Get dressed. Get Zoe ready. I’ll be right back.” He was about to dash out the door when Harley grabbed his arm.

“El Chato?”

“Yes?”

“You’re not wearing pants.” The man looked down at himself in boxer shorts before he ran down the hall. She cackled as she watched her friend disappear. After a minute, he was running back into the kitchen and out the door while trying to keep his jeans up. He didn’t have time to grab a belt. It just made her laugh a lot more. “Run, boy, run!” she called before he slammed the door behind him. She leaned onto the counter and glanced at the little girl, who had finished her breakfast.

“Where did he go?” Harley shrugged. A smile graced her lips.

“Not sure. But don’t worry, he’ll be back.” Her blue eyes trailed to the door. “He’s a husband that would never leave. Even when there’s a kid.” She didn’t choose to elaborate, but Zoe seemed to get an idea of what she could be hinting at. The little girl was just relieved to hear he would be returning soon.

“I'm gonna go get dressed.”The little girl got up to head to her room. Harley gave a thumbs up before she forced herself to stand. The woman walked into her room and towards her discarded bag on the floor. She sifted through to try and find some decent clothes, but like she said before, she didn't have a kid friendly attire. 

“Hmm…” The half blonde got an idea. She pulled on a pair of black and red tights with diamonds of the opposite color printed into them. This was followed by red and black leather boots. Next, she pulled on a leather top that had laces in the back and over the top of her half exposed breasts. Harley decided Diablo was probably not going to go for this, at least the top, so she eventually found a leather jacket and zipped it up most of the way. She would probably pass for more of a biker mom, but close enough. She threw her colorful hair back in a ponytail before she grabbed Diablo’s discarded jacket and walked out of the room. 

Harley meandered into the kitchen with a big grin. Zoe was waiting by the door as her eyes trailed to look up at the woman. “Whoa…” 

“Hey! Ready for school?”

“Yeah! We better hurry, it's almost time-” The door flew open. Diablo was standing in the doorway with keys in his grip. 

“Let us go.” He smirked at the two ladies before he moved back into the hallway. The girls followed after him. The three were speed walking towards the elevator. 

“Hey, Diablo?” 

“Sí?” Harley tossed the man his Letterman jacket. He caught it smoothly and slid it on to cover his tattoos. “Gracias, señorita.” The trio stepped into the elevator with an elderly woman and a man with dark sunglasses in a forest green suit. As the elevator doors shut, Harley began to notice the woman staring at her.

“Can I help you?” she said annoyedly. The old woman stiffened as she looked at the wall. The younger woman smiled and bounced her eyebrows at Diablo. He didn't give too much of a reaction. 

“I didn't know whores used this building…” the old lady muttered under her breath. Harley’s eyes went wide. 

“What?! You calling me a fucking prostitute, bitch?!” She moved to spring at the woman, but Diablo grabbed her first.

“Harley, no!”

“You want to fucking go, you old bag of-”

“Harley! Not in front of the young one! Calm yourself.”

“Hey, she's insulting you, too! You think I'm his bitch or something, motherfucker?! How dare you! Get your ass over here!” The old woman had herself pinned against the opposing wall. The man in the green suit wasn't doing anything to help, except for craning his head to face Diablo. It could have been his imagination, but the Hispanic man could feel the hidden eyes burning into his skull. He narrowed his eyes before he focused on Harley. She was squirming and clawing at the air. 

“Harleen! Relax! Por favor, do not do anything you will regret, señorita.”

“Oh trust me, I won't!” She gritted her teeth, but Diablo refused to put her down. 

“He's Hispanic? That explains a lot,” the man with sunglasses muttered. The man in the letterman jacket bared his teeth. Harley growled and squirmed even more. Before he could reply, the doors opened and the old woman dashed out. No one else moved.

“...Harley, are you sure you will not regret any of your decisions?” The half blonde had stopped moving, and her blue eyes were locked with his brown ones. A grin grew on her face. 

“Very, very sure.” Her eyes moved to lock with the other man. He lowered the woman back to the floor before putting an arm on Zoe’s shoulder, who had been watching the event take place the entire time. 

“We will meet you outside, mamacita.” He glared at the man before he grazed his hand over all of the elevator buttons and quickly stepped out with the little girl. Harley grinned at Diablo before cracking her knuckles.

“I'll be out in five minutes, hot stuff.” Her fist was flying at the man when the elevator doors closed, but Diablo was already pulling the little girl away. 

“What's happening? Isn't auntie coming with us?” He glanced down at the child and gave her a reassuring smile.

“Do not worry. Harleen will be back soon. She needed to simply chat with an associate of hers. She will join us eventually.” The two walked out of the building.

“What was that thing you called her? Was it a swear?”

“Huh? I would never call a woman nor child a swear. I do not believe I recognize what you are referring to.”

“Oh, um...the manacata. That thing?” Diablo thought a minute before he raised an eyebrow.

“Do you mean ‘mamacita’?”

“Yeah! That's Spanish, right? What does it mean?” The man pursed his lips. Technically, the direct translation was ‘mommy’ but he was not telling that to a little girl. Besides, that's not how he meant it. 

“It is a word of endearment. It is like...darling, or honey. Those kinds of things. Does that make sense?” Zoe nodded with a small smile. 

“I'm back, baby!” Harley slid up behind the man and the child. She had dots of red on her cheek, and a slightly pink eye. Diablo frowned at her before he grazed his hand over her cheek to wipe away the blood. It wasn't paint, obviously. She giggled at the gesture.

“Are you all right?” The half blonde nodded with a big grin. She leaned in to whisper into the man’s ear.

“I got ‘em back, just for you!” He gave a half smile. Although he didn't like people getting hurt, that man in the green suit had it coming.

“Guys? School?” The little girl grew impatient after all this ruckus.

“Oh, right. My apologies. You will be on time, I can assure you. Come, let us go.” He ushered the girls outside the building, and lead them to a long, black car. It was a 1970 Lincoln continental, and heavily resembled the type of car you would see a mobster driving.

“Whoa, is this yours?! This is an awesome car!” Harley looked over every inch of the vehicle with wide, blue eyes. It made the man smirk.

“You could say that. Now let us go.”

“Oh, oh, can I drive?!”

“Que? Of course not, that is absolutely-”

“How do you think all those mothers would react if they saw all those beautiful tattoos in the driver’s seat?” Diablo narrowed his eyes at her. He always hated when she made a good point. Especially when she was trying to simultaneously compliment him. 

“Harley, I do not want you scratching my-”

“Do you know where the school is?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Richardson Elementary, right, doll?” Zoe nodded. Harley flashed a grin at Diablo as she put her hands on her hips. “I know where it is, I look somewhat decent for once, and I handle working with cars all the time. You still don't think I should drive?” The man made a noise in the back of his throat before he tossed her the keys, begrudgingly.

“If there is the tiniest scratch, I will not be happy. And you do not want to see me unhappy.” The woman snickered before she slid over the hood of the car and jumped into the driver's seat. Diablo stepped into the passenger, while Zoe went into the back. Once the doors were all shut, Harley took off rather quickly. She turned street corners rapidly and always had her foot on the gas. The man next to her was gripping onto the armrest, and murmuring prayers under his breath that the car would not crash. The woman glanced over at him and laughed.

“Are you praying!? Relax, you’re going to live!” She turned a hard right before going down a hill. Diablo melted in his seat, and looked like he was about to pass out. 

“Jesus Christ,” he hissed under his breath. 

“Are you wearing your seat belt, kiddos?”

“Yes!”

“That question can not lead to anything good.”

“I woulda’ thought a religious man would have more faith!” Harley slammed her foot on the gas and flew onto a street and taking a hard right down another one. She slowed down before she reached the drop of lane in front of the school. She casually drove into the loop before coming to a smooth stop. “Alright, kiddo, here’s your stop! We’ll see you at three, okay?”

“Okay! Thanks! That was fun!” Zoe climbed out of the car and grabbed her bag. She looked back in and waved before she shut the car door and headed into the school.

Harley let out a breath and smiled. “That was fun! Dontcha think?!” She burst out laughing as she saw Diablo clutching the sides of his seat while his knees were brought up to his chest. He looked scared out of his mind. “Hey, relax! Everything is fine!” Slowly, the man let go of the chair and sat up more as he noticed he wasn’t in a car crash.

Yet. 

“I will give you credit for getting the young girl to school on time, but goodness, Harley Quinn.” The half blonde snickered as she pulled away from the school, and drove down the roads at a much slower speed this time.

“Hey, gotta get the job done! And now, we’re free!” She grinned as she continued to drive along the dark roads of the city. The two had begun to grow quiet when a question had popped into the woman’s head. “Hey, Diablo?”

“Yes?”

“You’re against violence, aren’t you?”

“I do not think an innocent person should ever be harmed. As much as I would wish no one would fight, sometimes there is no choice, but to defend yourself. But there are times where fighting can be avoided.”

“Is that why you held me back in the elevator?”

“Mm...yes and no. Although I do not like the idea of any innocent person being attacked, even if they are very rude,  I most certainly did not want an old woman to be injured.”

“But you let me kick that guy’s ass!” Diablo shrugged.

“He could probably take a hit better than an older woman.” Harley scoffed as she rounded the corner.

“Sexist.” The man narrowed his eyes at her.

“It is not like that. If that man was truly innocent, I would not have let you hurt him. But, as I can see from the marks he has left behind, this is not the case.” The woman didn't respond to the comment. Her lips turned into a straight line, and her eyes were locked on the road. Diablo continued, “I suppose, however, I am more hesitant to let a woman or child be injured. It was simply how I was raised, how I lived, not to hurt a woman or child. They are innocent, and deserved long lives…” He broke off and turned his head to look out the window. He was leading himself down a corrupted memory lane.

Harley noticed this, and frowned slightly at her friend. “You think I’m innocent? You would never hurt me?” His brown eyes slowly trailed to look at her. 

“You...are as innocent as me, Harley Quinn, I believe. Maybe even more. But no matter what, I would never harm nor wish it upon you. You are aware of this, yes?” The woman smiled and nodded towards him before an idea lit up in her head. She wanted to cheer him up.

“Alright, sour puss, we’re going somewhere fun! No more thoughts about anything, unless they’re happy ones! Capieche?” The man slowly nodded. As the car came to a red traffic light, Harley turned herself towards her friend before she gave him a warm kiss on the cheek. He did give much of a response, except for his eyes connecting with hers. Once they did, she was beaming towards him. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, fire man. I see what you’re doing in that head of yours. Lighten up, or else,” she said in a playful tone. Diablo merely blinked at her before a half smile appeared on his face. ‘Eh, close enough!’ she thought before the light turned green and she was driving off once again. 

 

Harley pulled up to a black building that was shadowed away from the street. It didn’t draw that much attention, but according to the parking lot, it was fairly busy. It had a large sign on it with the words “The AA&A Bar”, with Japanese lettering underneath it. The three A’s stood for Asian, Australian, and American.

You can see where this is going. 

“What are we doing here? What is this place?” Diablo asked, genuinely confused. 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t been here before!” The man gave an awkward shrug. 

“I can not say I have.”

“That’s insane! I’m gonna complain to ‘em. But for now, let’s head in!”

“Harley, I-”

“Don’t drink. I know, water boy. Don’t worry about it. Now c’mon!” She winked at him before she jumped out of the car. Hesitantly, the man stepped out as well and shut his door behind him. Harley tossed him the car keys, which he caught, before she walked around to stand next to him. Diablo locked the car before he allowed her to pull him towards the bar. He might as well try to have an interesting experience. 

As soon as they walked through the doors, a bottle was flying through the air. Diablo grabbed Harley and moved her out of the way before he ducked and watched glass shatter onto the floor. A voice immediately reprimanded the thrower, “Oi! Knock that the fuck off, mate!” It had a thick Australian accent. It couldn’t be, though…

“Captain Boomerang?” Diablo asked. A man who had been facing a group in a booth abruptly turned around and his eyes lit up.

“Well I’ll be damned, it’s the fire bloke! And the clown lass!” He had a crooked grin on his face.

“Boomer, Diablo told me he’s never been here before! What gives?!” 

“I thought he was dead, honest! I saw your arse get blown to the sky, I never thought you’d get back up.” The tattooed man shrugged casually.

“Fire cannot kill the dragon, mi amigo. But that is a story for another day.” Boomerang nodded before he gestured for them to follow him.

“C’mon, you don’t deserve to be out here with all these ratbags.” A couple of groups hollered at him, but he intervened. “Oi, you know it’s true! Alright, let’s go.” He headed towards the back of the room, to which the couple followed after him. Harley had a big grin on her face, while Diablo was examining the place. Why was Captain Boomerang here? How did he get out of Belle Reve? He must’ve made some kind of deal with Waller, but even she never wanted him free.

“Boomerang, if you do not mind my asking, how did you escape from the purgatory prison that is Belle Reve?” The Australian snickered as they went through a set of sliding doors with flowery designs on them, something you might see in a traditional Asian restaurant. The doors shut behind the group as Boomerang explained himself.

“Well, ya see, I ended up making a deal with Waller. I attempted to convince her to just let me out for a little while, but she wasn’t ‘avin it. So, I thought I was stuck to rot when a dear friend of mine proposed something else, that I be under watch while I was free, by the same person who offered it. The next thing I knew, I was here.”

“Interesting. Who is it that is watching you?” 

“Ah, c’mon, mate, you should know ‘er.” 

“Boomerang?” A woman’s voice came up from behind a wall of the room. They all took a couple steps forward before she was revealed. It was a short, muscular young lady with black, short hair. She had a white tank top on with a red dot in the middle, along with black leggings and high heeled ankle boots. At first, neither Harley nor Diablo could recognize her. She was behind the bar, cleaning a glass and not focusing on anything else. 

“Hey, Kat,” Captain Boomerang said sweetly. The wheels clicked in place.

“Katana?!” Diablo and Harley said at the same time. The woman nearly dropped the glass as she looked up. She didn’t have her mask on, so this was the first time the Hispanic man had ever seen her face.

“El Diablo? Harley Quinn, welcome back.” She set down the glass and walked over to the end of the bar. “I thought you were dead, but it would appear you have risen.”

“Like Christ himself,” Boomerang muttered.

“You’re Jesus?!” The half blonde’s face lit up. Diablo furrowed his brow.

“What? No, I-”

“Nope, you totally are! Who else can rise from their grave?!”

“But I never-”

“Ssshhhh. Let me have this.” She shot him a grin. As much as he wanted to protest, he just took a breath before he nodded. She giggled hysterically before she pulled him to sit down at the bar. He sat down next to a big, tall, muscular figure. The man examined the other before he was able to recognize who he was looking at.

“Killer Croc?” The large man turned to look down. Red eyes locked with his brown ones. The creature hesitated before a big, sharp toothed grin appeared on his scaly face.

“Diablo. Welcome back to life.”

“Thanks, man.” The two pounded fists. Even after a year, they still had a tight bromance going on. The Suicide Squad had brought everyone together, but there was no doubt Croc favored his Hispanic friend a little more. 

Harley sat down next to Diablo and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Oh, forgot to mention, I married this guy yesterday!” Boomerang was drinking one of his beers, but at the announcement he did a spit tank onto the floor, away from Katana. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Really? Hmm. I would have thought you would go for Deadshot.”

“I fucking called it,” Croc muttered. He gave Diablo a friendly punch in the shoulder, as if to say “that’s my boy”. 

“And I would have thought you would go for anyone except the Captain!” Harley teased. Katana’s face turned a slight rose color, but she did not stutter when replying.

“We are not together.”

“Awe, you sure ‘bout that, doll?” Boomerang wrapped his arm around her waist, only to get elbowed in the stomach. He wheezed, but still had a big grin on his face. “She used to do that to my face. Progress, amirite?” He gave her a hair a small ruffle, which she ignored. He might have just been imagining it, but Diablo saw the tiniest curve in her straight line of lips. Maybe they were really going somewhere.

“Harley is merely joking.”

“Not really! I mean, we’re apparently the aunt and uncle of Deadshot’s kid.” Katana pulled away from Boomerang to lean on the counter.

“How did this transpire?”

“We have to look after his daughter while he is gone on a mission of his. She is in school right now. We have to pretend we’re not criminals, and we’re actually related to ‘em.” Croc chuckled before he turned towards Diablo.

“Bring her here sometime. We’d love to meet her.”

“As much as I trust you all, this is not a place for a child,” Diablo countered. 

“I would agree, although I wouldn’t mind meeting her,” Katana spoke. 

“Maybe we could meet somewhere! Deadshot wouldn’t mind, I’m sure.” Harley grinned brightly. Diablo was certain Deadshot would very much mind, but he decided not to speak his thoughts out loud. 

“Good idea, love. We’ll figure out something, I’m sure. Now, I got a quick question for you, Blondie. How does that king o’ yours feel about you bein’ with this here fire bloke?” Harley gave an innocent shrug.

“He doesn’t know! Besides, he shouldn't care. We’re just friends.” Diablo nodded in agreement. Although, the tone of ‘friends’ did not seem very platonic from her voice. Most friends, or Amigos, did not tend to kiss each other nor share a bed, but perhaps this was normal. He did not grow up with many friends, let alone need to live with them, so he could easily be wrong about it. 

“Diablo can take the clown,” Croc assured. “Go Aztec Fire warrior on dat white ass.” The group laughed at the comment.

“Hell ya! Set that green hair of his on fire like a forest.” Harley glared at Boomerang.

“Hey, cut that out. That’s still my man.” He held up his hands in defense.

“No ill will towards ya, darl. But, I’m just sayin, you can do better.” He winked at Diablo, who stiffened at the gesture. She glanced at him and bounced her eyebrows. He looked away, slightly embarrassed, only to have Croc staring down at him with a smirk. Diablo’s face heated up. Why was he getting so flustered? They were just teasing him. 

“You look redder than a flame,” Croc sneered. Diablo tensed his shoulders.

“I do not, bro.” 

“I would say it more so matches the shade of Harley’s hair,” Katana explained. She took a loose strand of the red hair and held it up against Diablo’s cheek. Boomerang and Croc laughed hysterically. 

“You’re a riot, lass!” He slapped her on the back. She glared at him before she annoyedly blew a loose strand of black hair from her face.

“Touch me again, and I’m snapping your arm.” He just laughed, like she wasn’t serious. Everyone knew though, she could snap his neck if she was truly determined. 

“Ah, if you really wanted to, you woulda done it, love.” She narrowed her eyes before she grabbed his arm and bent it inward. He let out a shriek as he collapsed onto his knees. “Ah, fuck! Sorry, sorry! I give!” She let go of him and dropped him to the floor. Harley let out a low whistle.

“Damn, you got him trained!” Katana bowed her head with a small smile.

“I take pride in my work.” Boomerang gripped onto her arm and pulled himself back up onto his feet. He towered over her by a foot. The Australian wrapped an arm around her shoulders to steady himself.

“Oi, you’re a tough nut, darl. But I can crack you, like you cracked my nose.” He gave a sleazy grin, which Katana rolled her eyes at. 

“Someone is hooked,” Diablo joked. Harley snickered. 

“Ah, shut your yaps. The only hooked one here is you,” Boomerang retorted. Diablo scoffed.

“Unlike you, I can have una amiga without wanting to sleep with her.” Katana smirked. 

“No arguments there,” she muttered under her breath. Boomerang made a noise before he rested his head on top of hers.

“That ain’t true. I would only sleep wit ‘er after the first date.” She glared and back kicked him in the groin. He let out a gasp and collapsed on the short woman. She appeared unphased. 

Harley giggled. “We do sleep with each other, though.” Everyone’s eyes went wide. “...what? I- Oh! No, no! I meant like share a bed! We just sleep next to each other! Jeez, get your head outta the gutter.” Croc chuckled and patted Diablo on top of the head.

“You got fartha than Boomer.” Everyone laughed at that, except for the Australian himself. 

“Shut the fuck up, crocodile. At least I can get near such a beauty without ‘er screamin’.” Croc growled at him.

“At least they don’t attack me.” Katana watched the two carefully. Without explaining why, she carefully reached up and took Boomerang’s hands. At first, it looked like she wanted to hold his hands for support, but this was Katana. 

“That’s because they’re too busy screaming at your ugly face,” Boomerang retorted. Croc drew back his lips in a snarl.

“You calling me ugly?”

“I ain’t sayin’ you beautiful, scaly purse.” 

“Wow. That’s hypocritical coming from you, beer breath. No wonder Katana hates you.” Boomerang’s eyes flew wide open. He moved to hit Croc, but his arms were held down. Katana holding his hands made a lot more sense. She wasn’t supporting him, she knew he was going to pull something, and had prepared. 

“Fuck you!” he hissed. Croc just laughed, leaning away.

“You’re a weak ass hothead. Even hotter than the Aztec.”

“I’m not actually-” Harley shook her head at Diablo, who went silent. 

Boomerang squirmed even more, but Katana held him down. “I oughta knock out all your rows of teeth, and wrestle you in a sewer!” 

“Not while you can be held back so easily.” Captain Boomerang snapped. 

“You think that, eh?!” Everyone stared in shock as they watched him grab Katana, twist off her hands, and throw her off to the side. She landed on the floor head first with a grunt, and murmured something in Japanese. He didn’t seem to care, though. The Australian launched himself at Killer Croc, knocking him over his seat and slamming his head into the floor. “You still think that, crocodile?!” He yelled in his scaly face. 

“Oh lord,” Harley mumbled under her breath. Diablo jumped off his stool and ran over. He watched Croc scratch at Boomerang while he punched him in every possible part of his scaly body. Diablo winced just watching it. He grabbed Boomerang by his jacket and pulled him off, crossing his arms over the Australian’s neck. 

“Boomerang, stop! Don’t make me burn you,” he threatened. Boomerang elbowed the tattooed man in the face before he tried to get back at Croc. Diablo growled. “Boomerang!” he snapped. “Calm down, now! You are overreacting! Pull yourself together.” It didn’t help. He was still fighting and squirming, but Diablo refused to inflict any violence on him. Not yet. There was one more tactic he could try. “Captain Boomerang, look what you have done to your amiga.” His voice was calm, and collected. “You want to keep this up after another sin you put on your back?” At those words, Boomerang had finally calmed down. He looked back over at the bar. Katana was not standing, she was sitting up against the wall, rubbing her head. His eyes saddened, and he went limp against Diablo’s arms. Reluctantly, the Hispanic man let go. Boomerang immediately ran over to the counter and jumped it. He landed on his knees in front of her.

“Kat?” She glared at him and pressed herself more up against the wall. She crossed her arms and looked away. 

“Don’t-” Her dark brown eyes went wide as a light kiss was placed on her forehead. Her immediate instinct was to slap him, but he already had his arms wrapped tightly around her. She stared in surprise, unsure of what to do. This was unusual. 

“Sorry, sorry…” He whispered in her ear apology after apology, which she didn’t quite understand. Why was he apologizing so much? She hit him over the head, punched him in the face, bruised his ribs, kicked him in the crotch, and many other injuries she had inflicted on him, but not once had she uttered an apology. Well, he sorta deserved most of those things, but still. 

Katana glanced up at Harley and Diablo, who were watching them, before she hesitantly patted Boomerang on the head. It made the half blonde woman snicker underneath her hand. “It’s okay…” she murmured. He still refused to let go of her.

“They’re so cute,” Harley whispered to her Hispanic friend. He nodded in agreement. They pair did have some chemistry going, no point in denying that. “You must seriously be Jesus.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Only an act of God can make a guy like that do something like hugging a ninja lady whose makeup consists of blood lipstick and the ashes of her fallen enemies. And only a God can keep her from adding an urn of him to her collection. How did you do that?” Diablo looked over the two one last time. He didn’t know how to answer that.

“That’s easy.” Croc came up behind them, looking unfazed despite getting punched in the face multiple times. “He has more than the power of fire, but the power of words. He doesn’t need no violence to get that asshole to shut up.” If Boomerang heard that comment, he didn’t respond. 

“Wow, Croc that was so deep! You got poetry under your rough skin, eh?” Harley elbowed him lightly. The mutant blinked before he showed a fanged grin.

“Yep. I’m beautiful, inside and out.” Diablo had to refrain from snorting. He had to give him credit, though. For everything he’s been through, the mutant had the confidence of a man who lived a life of love. But even though most people tended to run away from him, scream, the normal things, he still had people who liked him. His friends. His family. His squad. 

And, the nice part about that was, that went for everyone in this room. 

‘Even Captain Boomerbutt.’

 

The day had passed quickly. Everything had been sorted out at the bar, Harley and Diablo had to leave to pick up Zoe, and now here they were in the bedroom. It was one o'clock in the morning, and the little girl had fallen asleep hours ago. Diablo had as well, but there was a soul still stirring. She had her head bowed, staring down at the blankets on her lap. Slowly, her blue eyes trailed over to look at her friend. His back was to her, and he was hugging his pillow with one arm. Not a single blanket was on him. Harley couldn’t get over how he wasn’t freezing, but she reminded herself he had Hellfire in his system. Of course he wasn’t cold.

‘How can a man be so Christian with the fires of Hell at his fingertips?’ Diablo was a different kind of man. He didn’t want violence, or a fight. He had regrets, he had more than two emotions, he even prayed. So many things had happened to him, but it never affected him. At least, she never saw it. How was he able to do it?

‘Mistah J always talks about his past, always says he just wants to make people laugh. That his humor is just a little different. It’s all his dad’s fault, or Batman’s.’ But Diablo never blamed anyone except himself. He knew everything he had done was his fault, and only his. Why wasn’t her man like that? Why did he always say she messed up, she was the failure, she failed the punchline so often. What was the point? Why was she around him so often, why did she try so hard for him only to get shut down? To hear she was worthless, a waste?

‘He probably doesn’t even know I’m gone...he doesn’t care, does he? If I stayed for a goddamn month, he wouldn’t care. If I died, he would just laugh, and figure out a way to make a pun about how I died.’ She had tears running down her face now, smudging her makeup and making her eyes red. She wiped at them quickly, hoping she wouldn’t be noticed. 

What was that thing Diablo said about women and children? They were innocent, and deserved to live long lives, right? He seemed to have a soft spot for them. ‘That’s just how he was raised. Hmm…' She glanced down at him again. He was on his back, looking completely unconscious. Harley looked him over, noticing every tattoo on him. Her eyes locked with the one of a woman with angel wings. It had to be his wife. Just looking at it made her heart ache. ‘He looks at that everyday, reminds himself of her death, and blames himself for it. Why? It was an accident.’ Then, a thought occurred to her. Regrets were there to hurt you sometimes, to remind you of what you did, and how badly you messed up. However, they were also there to remind you not to do it again. Was that why? He wanted to make sure he never did that again? Never hurt a woman or child...never hurt someone like his wife, or his kids. 

‘...that’s sweet, actually.' She had the faintest smile on her face at the thought. He was actually a really nice guy, now that she thought of it. He was really patient with her, and never spoke an ill word to her. He always had a smile for her. The thought made her own smile grow.

“Harley…” The half blonde straightened up. Was that Diablo? No, it couldn’t be. He was knocked out. “Harley.” Wait...she knew that voice…

“Mistah J?” she said quietly. Her blue eyes went wide as she saw a shadow in the doorway, staring down at her with glowing, green eyes.

“You traitor.” His voice was a growl.

“W-what? What are you talking about?”

“First Deadshot, now him?” The shadow gestured towards Diablo. Harley shrunk under the covers.

“N-no, it’s not like that! I would never-”

“How dare you do this to me! After everything I’ve done for you!” The shadow reappeared at the foot of the bed. It was freaking her out.

“We’re just friends! Mistah J, I love you! You know that!”

“Bullshit.” The words stung. “You’ve messed up for the last time, Doc.” She pressed herself against the headboard. The air felt cold, freezing, frigid.

Just like Joker’s heart.

“Calm down, Puddin! You’re not thinking straight-” She jumped as the shadow appeared at her side of the bed. 

“What are your regrets, Harley? You have so many.” Her face paled. “Do you regret believing in me? How about falling for me? Giving me a gun? Letting me throw you into a tank of acid? You regret it all, don’t you?” At first, she didn’t respond. “Don’t you?!” he snapped. 

“No! I don’t-”

“Oh but you do. You always have! But what are you proud of? Joining that squad of imbeciles and weaklings? Meeting your new boyfriends? Thinking you’re so mighty and powerful because you took down some stupid witch?!” Harley glanced over at Diablo. How was he not awake? The was so loud, and screaming so angrily. “Look at me when I’m talking to you, bitch!” Her eyes flicked back to the shadow, who was now holding an odd object. She backed up, feeling her hand brush up against her friend’s arm before she gripped onto it. He began to stir.

“Puddin, I love you! You know that! I don’t regret anything I’ve ever done with you! I would live for you! You know that, I told you that!” 

“And you would die for me too.” She was shaking uncontrollably. The woman wasn’t sure if that was from the fear, or the cold air, or maybe both. Nonetheless, it grew worse as the shadow let out a long, loud laugh. “Oh, you’re face! It’s gold! You look so funny! Haha! Aw, c’mon now, don’t frown! How about we turn that,” He held up the object. She recognized it now. “...upside down. Permanently.”

Knife. He had a knife gripped tightly in his hand.

Her blue eyes went wide in fear. “No! Get away from me!” She kicked at the air, but the man seemed unfazed. It came closer, and closer, towering over her. She had tears going down her face. ‘I’m screwed’. Her mind was whirling. 

Now, in this moment, her regrets had never been more clear. And in the next, she had never had more pride in making friends with a man by the name of El Diablo.

He shot up next to her and wrapped one tattooed arm her, with the other held out. His free arm had a clenched fist with fire surging around it. “Where is he?” His voice was low, like he was trying to hold back all of his anger. The light of the fire glowed onto the shadow. She was barely able to make out a white face with burning green eyes. He looked mad, vengeful, and defeated all in one look. He glared down at Diablo before he disappeared, and ran out the door. Harley watched him carefully, trying to regain her composure. 

She realized she was still shaking as Diablo gripped her tighter. “He ran…” she whispered. She’d never seen the Joker like that. Why did he leave? Why did he give up?

‘Is he...scared of Diablo?’ The  Joker? Scared? That couldn’t be possible. 

But what if it wasn’t him?

“I did not see him,” he mumbled, lowering his free arm after putting out it’s fire. 

“B-but you heard him, right?”

“I only heard you. I thought, from what you were saying…” He drifted off. “...so your demon is el payaso, eh?”

“T-the what?”

“The clown.” Demon? 

“What do you...did  I imagine that…” It felt so real. Surely, he was here. ‘But how would he know where I was? How does he know about Deadshot, about Diablo?’

He doesn’t.

“It happens to me as well, Dr.Quinn. The demons, they love to fuck with you. Do not worry, though, you are safe.” Harley slowly nodded. She was able to understand what he was talking about. The demon of her past, or present in this case. The thing to haunt her. To torture her. A living nightmare.

“It’s not real…” she repeated.

“Yes, exactly. Are you okay?”  She slowly nodded. It was somewhat of a lie, considering she was still frazzled, but she would be okay soon. “You are shaking. Are you cold?”

“K-kinda.” The man paused before he laid back down and gestured for her to do the same. Hesitantly, she forced herself to lay down on her back. She straightened up as Diablo wrapped his arm around her, and pulled the woman against his chest. “What are you-” She let out a relieved sigh as she felt heat envelop her. He felt so warm, so comforting. The feeling wrapped around her completely, like a blanket. It was like hugging clothes right out of the dryer. 

“Is that better?”

“Oh my god, you are amazing,” she mumbled groggily as she wrapped herself around him. She knew he was probably warm but this was on a new level. He smiled sweetly before he closed his eyes and rolled his head back. Harley watched him for a moment before she rested her head on his shoulder. “...thank you.”

“For what?” There was a lot of things she could have thanked him for. Warming her up, scaring off the demon, being so friendly...

“For existing.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a lot of fun writing these  
> I hope i still have time to write when I start school, though  
> On the brightside, I got a laptop! So Its a lot easier to write!!!  
> I don't tend to edit these, so if anyone wants to give suggestions, or a heads up about stuff, it's much appreciated!  
> (Is it obvious i ship Captain Katana a lot? It just suddenly happened, lmao. I might even make a spin off.)
> 
> P.S. I changed it a little, so when a character is thinking, it's in these: ' '  
> Because Italics dont copy over so, whatever  
> AND SHOUT OUT TO MY BUDDYOLCHUMPAL THEREWILLBEBOOTY FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY CRAZY WRITING AND INSPIRING SO MANY IDEAS IN THIS FIC  
> Oh and CAN WE AGREE HUGGING CLOTHES RIGHT OUT OF THE DRYER IS THE BEST THING  
> LIKE ITS SO WARM AND NICE AND JUST  
> I love that metaphor


	3. Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not going to be normal  
> We're changing up some people, here, guys  
> But I'm gonna give you some sound adivce about reading this  
> Don't  
> Back away now  
> This is  
> This is something else  
> Y'know I knew I was a pretty evil author but uh  
> this is new  
> Go outside, be with your family, save your heart and mind
> 
>  
> 
> You're still scrolling?  
> Alright  
> But I warned you, man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are about to get pretty mad at me, I can see it

 

It was around four in the morning when the door was thrown open. Everyone in the room was tense, biting their tongues and clenching their jaws. One person was standing, looking frigid. They had called in their boss, saying it was important. The standing man had just recently entered the building after he had not returned since the morning. They found him in a dumpster, outside of an apartment building. He had bruises laced all over him with blood on his knuckles and neck. He got cleaned up by his friends and rested for a little while. It took them all a long time to call up the boss, as most of them were scared of him, but they did it. They managed.

And now here he was, standing before them with a huge, creepy grin on his face. “Well? I’m waiting, boys.” The standing man hesitated, but his friends pushed him forward. He tried not to look his boss in the eye as he spoke.

“I-I saw her, boss.”

“Who?”

“H-Harley, boss. I-I was in my-” The boss held up a gloved hand. The standing man swallowed his words.

“I don’t care. She’ll be back, eventually. She always comes crawling back. ‘I need a small break’, pfft. She’s hilarious!” He started to turn away when the man spoke up again.

“S-she was w-with someone.” The boss stopped in his tracks. The smile was wiped off his face as he turned back and approached his employee.

“Is it that plant whore again?”

“N-no, boss, it was a m-man.” Everyone in the room went silent. They knew their boss well, and they definitely knew he didn’t like the idea of Harley running around with anyone else. That was his girl, and if anyone tried anything, they were dead the next day.

“...who?” the boss hissed.

“I-I don’t know, some Hisp-panic guy. He h-had weird t-tattoos on his face, I think he might be a gang member.” The boss pursed his lips. He looked enraged.

“...how did you find her?” He had a calm tone, but everyone knew that meant he was enraged beyond expression.

“I was in the elevator, and she came in with the guy and this little girl. I was standing next to this old woman, who thought she was like uh...his w-whore, y’know those girls-” He cut himself off as he noticed his boss growing angrier. “Uh a-anyway, she said that out loud, and Harley jumped at her, and tried to attack her, but the guy held her down. He was speaking some Spanish to her too. Then I uh...I said a comment about him being Hispanic, the elevator doors opened, the woman ran out, the guy left Harley alone with me and went with the little girl, and then uh...she jumped on me and was saying stuff like ‘don’t talk about him like that’, o-or something. Then she just uh threw me out a window and left. That’s all I remember, honest.” The boss stared at him for a long, hard moment. Everyone got scared. The boss being silent was never a good sign.

“...why is there marks on your fists?”

“Huh?  Oh uh...t-they were always there-”

“Did you defend yourself? Or did you just lie there, like a pussy?”

“I-I did, sir.”

“So you hit Harley?”

“I-I mean, yes, but-” The boss punched the man in the jaw, and laughed as he collapsed to the ground. His eyes were glowing with rage and intensity.

“Only I can do that!” he screamed at the man. Everyone else watching either shrunk in their seats, or went pale and absolutely silent. “You do not hit her, ever! And that goes for all of you! Am I clear?!” Everyone nodded vigorously. The boss picked up the standing man by the collar and brought him up to his white face. “I could kill you,” he hissed through his metal teeth. “But I need you to do one simple thing, and maybe you can live. Clear?”

“Y-Yes, Mr.Joker, sir.” the man stuttered. The Joker narrowed his eyes before he grinned all the way to his ears. His eyes were wide and filled with thoughts. Disturbing thoughts.

“You. Identify this man. And all of you. Once you know who he is?” Everyone stared at him, waiting for their task. “Find him. Get pictures. I need to know what he looks like, what he’s doing, and where I need to gut him. And, if you can? Bring him back here.” Joker had a certain snarl in his voice, one that no one was too fond of, but gave a smile at anyway.

“S-sure. When should we go?”

“Now.”

“B-but boss,” a newbie had piped up. “It’s four in the morning.” The boss brushed back his green hair and grinned wider.

“Oh?! Well, deary me! That’s very true! You should go to sleep, then.” He hit his goon over the head, and laughed hysterically as the man fell unconscious. Everyone jumped away in surprise. A couple of them exchanged glances before Joker yelled again. “I’m sorry, do you people want to be running around, or would you rather be sleeping with fishes?! Move your ass!” All of the goons scrambled out of the room, with the standing man leading them out of the building and onto the streets.

Funny how he’s kept his sunglasses on this entire time.

 

It was almost nine AM when three of the goons had finally gotten on their target’s back. The man with sunglasses, or as his friends called him, Mouse was driving after a black car, doing his best to keep up with it. He had stayed in the lobby of the building and waited patiently until he saw the couple with the little girl walk out of the elevator. Harley had her arm looped around the man’s, and she was chatting away. Since Mouse had a recorder, Joker was going to get to hear a lot of their conversations.

“Say it again, say it again!”

“Oh come on.”

“Please?!” Harley gave him big puppy dog eyes. He let out a sigh.

“Mamacita.” He said it in a thick, Spanish accent. She squealed at the word.

“That sounds so pretty! I love hearing you talk, it’s so majestic!” He rolled his eyes, but look flattered either way.

“Gracias. Oh, and I’m driving this time.” Harley groaned but didn’t object as she climbed into the passenger seat of a long, black car. A little girl went into the back, and the man drove away. Mouse immediately jumped in his own car with his own friends and took off after them.

“You got pics?”

“Yep. She was wrapped around him like a bow on a present.”

“Sheesh. Joker’s gonna be pissed.

“Oh yeah. He’s dead. No one has lived after flirting with Harley.” They stayed behind the black car, keeping up with them without seeming like they were following the girl.

“So do we know who this guy is?” the third goon piped up.

“Nope. Don’t recognize him. Never heard of him,” Mouse explained.

“How the Hell did he get with Harley Quinn?” the second good asked. They all shrugged.

“Maybe she really is his bitch.” The third one loved to make theories. They called him Conspiracy, mainly because they were bad at names.

“I thought Joker didn’t let anyone loan her,” said the second, Skeptic.

“Who the Hell said he’s paying for her?” The two chuckled at Mouse’s joke. It had to be a joke. No one could get their hands on the clown queen. At least, no one who was alive right now.

Or so they thought.

They stopped about twenty feet away as they watched the car pull into a curved lane in front of the school. The little girl got out, and was about to head towards the school when she suddenly stopped, turned, and started talking through the passenger side door. She stayed there for a couple minutes before the car door opened, and Harley stepped out. She threw back her blonde hair before she said something into the car and shut the door. She headed inside the school with the girl.

“One of us should follow her,” Skeptic muttered. Two of the henchman immediately turned to Conspiracy, who looked startled.

“But- ugh, fine. I’ll be right back.” A lot of adults seemed to be going in, so the man in the gray shirt and black jeans went unnoticed. He took out his phone as he carefully followed behind the half blonde and the little girl. He followed them into a cafetorium (the cafeteria set up to look like an auditorium) and propped himself up in the corner, concealing himself within a group of other adults. A big sign read “CAREER DAY” across the stage in front of the room. He didn’t quite understand who that little girl was, or why she was here. Conspiracy had made and researched plenty of theories before, and told himself time and patience grant him his wish soon.

About an hour later of parents and relatives coming up and introducing themselves and their jobs, the principal asked for another volunteer, something new. There was a pause before Harley raised her hand. The woman picked on the half blonde.

‘What an idiot. How does she not recognize Harley Quinn, the queen of Gotham?’ Although, to be fair, any town outside of Gotham might not know too much about her.

He watched Harley step onto the stage with the little girl. She awkwardly had to pull down the microphone to her height. Conspiracy pulled out his phone and started recording.

“Uh, hey there! My name is Harleen Q-uh, I mean, Santana. Sorry, still not used to not using my maiden name. Am I right, ladies?” She got a couple laughs from the crowd. “I’m Zoe’s aunt! I graduated from Gotham University after eight years in their psychiatry program. I wanted to do comedy, but when I told my parents, they thought it was a joke of a career. How ironic.” More laughs. She actually wasn’t too bad. “Anyways, I’m a psychiatrist. I used to work around in New York City, but moved out here for a little more variety.” Strange. She worked in Arkham Asylum, which was in New York, but not the city. She must’ve been covering her criminal record. “I know I don’t look much like one, considering...well, me, but looks don’t define your career! It’s all about the passion and, in my case, patience. If it helps, I used to be a full blonde. But hey, what can I say, when you marry a tattoo artist, things change. Sometimes things includes your hair color.” Laughter rang around the room. Even Conspiracy was chuckling. “Tattoo artists are really cool, too! They make beautiful art you get to wear on you for as long as you want! I don’t have any, but my husband has a lot, and he looks like a walking painting! Maybe they should ask him to stand around in an art gallery.” Less laughs that time, but they were still there.

“Does anyone have any questions for Dr.Santana?” A child raised his hand.

“What exactly do you do?”

“Oh, I help people who are a little different to be normal! People who want to be normal, and act and see things like we do.” She paused for a minute before she gave a smile. “But, there’s nothing wrong with not being normal! Being different can be great! I mean, I’m clearly very different than most of you, but there’s nothing wrong with me. There are just sometimes people who are lost in their heads, and need a little help to get out.” She beamed down at the crowd. Another child raised their hand.

“You don’t look like Zoe.” Harley thought a minute before she perked up again.

“My mother was very tan but our dad was pale. I got the whiter end of the deal, I guess. Her dad is just tanner.”

“What was the craziest patient you ever worked with?” It was an older kid. Harley took a deep breath to think about it before she shrugged.

“There was this one guy, named Jack. He never stopped laughing. He was a lost cause, though. No matter what you told him, he took everything like a joke. Sometimes no matter what you do, you can’t fix a broken record.”

“What’s a record?” Harley snickered.

“I guess I’m old, huh? I meant uh...iPod, I guess.”

“Thank you, Dr.Santana. That was very lovely.” Harley walked off the stage with the girl they had referred to as Zoe. Conspiracy waited to make sure there was nothing else before he stopped recording and slipped out of the cafetorium. He speed walked into the hallway and went out of the building through the front doors. He noticed the long, black car was still there. He frowned slightly, but decided to try and risk to take a picture. He tried to make it look like he was texting as he walked near it and snapped a couple pictures. He started to put his phone away when he looked up. His eyes went wide as they locked with a man, who was sitting at the steering wheel. He had black all over his face in weird designs the goon wasn’t familiar with. Either way, he didn’t look like someone to mess with. His dark brown eyes were narrowed at Conspiracy, and it was terrifying. Joker’s henchman took off and jogged towards their car.

He slid into the back seat and let out a loud breath. “Holy fuck, I saw him.”

“Who?” Skeptic asked.

“The guy we’re after, idiot. He has all this black shit on his face, and he saw me. I thought he was trying to burn my insides.”

“Yep, that’s definitely him,” Mouse confirmed.

“What is that stuff?”

“Tats, I think. Told ya, he looks like a gang member.”

“You never told me that.”

“Well I am now.” Conspiracy thought a minute about everything he had heard inside the school. As usual for him, everything fell into place, and a theory formed in his head.

“Oh my God. I think she’s actually into him.”

“The Hell makes you say that?” Skeptic, of course.

“So in the school, they had like this career day. Remember those? Well, Harley went up on the stage, and called herself Harleen Santana.”

“Santana?”

“Is that his name? Did you tell the boss this?”

“It’s gotta be. Yeah, I took a video, it just sent to him. She was saying how she was a psychiatrist, and her husband was...a tattoo artist.” Mouse raised his eyebrows.

“Well holy shit, Joker’s definitely going to kill him. What the fuck is going on here?”

“I don’t know, but it seems really weird. She’s saying she’s the aunt to that little girl? So Tattoo Boy is supposed to be the uncle.”

“Did you get a picture of him, or do we have to do that as well?” Skeptic could be such an asshole sometimes.

“I might have. Here.” He handed over his phone to show the picture of the car. Skeptic zoomed in to look it over. He squinted slightly before shrugging.

“I can sorta make him out. Better send it to Joker.” Conspiracy nodded as he sent over the photo with the caption “[heres da guy, boss]”. Joker immediately replied.

“[About that video? Not funny.]” Conspiracy actually thought Harley made some decent jokes, but he understood. There was that one part about the one patient who always laughed at everything. She meant the Joker, of course, and he probably wasn’t happy about it. “[Keep following him. Bring him back here. NOW.]”

“[sure thing, joker. we’re on it.]”

“[Good. And while you’re on it, learn to use the caps lock. SERIOUSLY.]” He sent a smiley emoji, but it looked like it was about to kill Conspiracy.

“[Yes, Boss]”

“Shit, she’s back.” Harley was walking out of the building and towards the black car. She waved and grinned before she hopped in. It immediately drove off, surprising the three henchman. “Go, Mouse, go!” The driver took off, going right after the black car. He kept behind them by a good ten feet, but close enough to not lose them. They were doing pretty good until the car suddenly took a right hand turn and left their car to continue going straight. Mouse freaked, and immediately turned around in a driveway. He sped off to find the car again, but it was already out of their sight. Skeptic shook his head.

“Hmm...keep going straight. And fast.” Conspiracy seemed to know what he was doing, so Mouse did as he was told. He prayed they could find it again.

 

“Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?!” The steering wheel was turned to a harsh right as Diablo sped off down a random road.

“Someone is following us. But I believe I have lost them.” He looked into the rearview mirror and grinned. “Wonderful. They are gone.”

“Who the Hell was driving after us?”

“Not sure. Hopefully it is not a rival gang.”

“Or the Joker.” Harley furrowed her brow. Diablo shook his head at the suggestion.

“Nah. I doubt that. If it was your car, perhaps, but this is not the case. Who cares, though, they are gone. To the bar, I presume?”

“Yep!” He took a couple more turns before they could relax on a straight road.

“So, how was career day?”

“Oh, I liked it! The kids were interested in what I had to say, I think. Although the parents probably thought I was insane for saying I was a psychiatrist.”

“I can see it. You have a degree, yes?”

“Oh yeah, you bet! Oh, and I had to call myself Dr. Harleen Santana. It sounded so weird to say, but y’know, since we’re ‘married’, gotta take your last name.” Diablo chuckled.

“That actually sounds nice.”

“Heh, yeah, it does.” They went silent for a moment as the car continued to drive on. After minute, Harley decided to break the silence. “Hope you don’t mind I said you were a tattoo artist.”

“Huh? Oh, I see where you got that from.” She snorted into her hand.

“Can you actually do tats?”

“Of course, man. It’s not too hard. Well, sometimes it is, but I can do some.”

“Maybe I’ll find you something to ink on my arm, eh?” She lightly elbowed his arm. The man smirked, but kept his eyes locked on the road.

“That could be fun. I wouldn’t mind doing that.” Silence, once again. She hated when it got too quiet. Well, she figured she might as well address something important now.

“Hey, thanks again for last night. You did me a favor.”

“De nada-”

“No, really, you did a lot more than you think. I don’t know why but as soon as you put your arm around me I just...he went away.”

“...who did?”

“Joker. The demon, as you said. He saw you protecting me, and he just...ran. It was as if you were God, and he was Satan, heh.”

“That very ironic, considering my name.” Harley cackled as she crossed her legs up on the seat.

“Yeah! But who cares? You don’t act like the devil. The opposite, really! So, that’s just what I wanted to tell you. I don’t know what would have happened if you weren’t there.” She was hesitant to look up, but she could feel his eyes staring at her. She bit her tongue before she looked over at him. He locked eyes with her before turning his head away and coughing.

The car pulled into the parking lot in front of the bar. Harley was about to climb out when a warm hand touched her. “Harley?”

“Yeah?”

“I am glad to have been a service to you...and would be fine to do it again.” Her blue eyes were stuck on the brown pools staring at her. She could’ve sworn she saw orange swirling in them. The half blonde started to lean forward, as if something was pulling her. Diablo watched her, not moving away nor closer. She was an inch from his face, with her head craned up to continue to stare him in the eye. Harley was so close, she could almost-

“Harley.” God damn it, Diablo.

“Uh...yeah?” The man hesitated before cleared his throat.

“We should go inside. In case those people are still following us.” Disappointment washed over the woman, but didn’t want to argue.

“Right, right.” She sat up in her seat and turned towards the door. She stiffened as she felt warm lips press up against her temple. Harley glanced over to catch Diablo just pulling away. He avoided eye contact but his tinted cheeks said it all.

‘That’s my boy.’ Harley giggled before she jumped out of the car.

Diablo walked in with Harley leaning on his side. He couldn’t believe he just did that, considering she had a boyfriend who had a reputation of cutting off any man who flirted with his queen. Yet, he wasn’t scared. Just like Killer Croc had said the other day, Diablo was a fire Aztec warrior who could easily take that skinny assed clown. So what if he developed feelings for this girl? Joker could-

‘...wait, what?’ He had to reel from reality for a moment. Where had that thought come from? He had never come to realize this until this moment. Was he truly falling for this woman? He couldn’t be, she was a psychotic mental patient who had a reputation for acting absolutely ridiculously. Why would he like her? Besides the fact that she was funny, smart, caring with children, understanding, attractive- … ‘Fuck.’ He shook his head to get the thoughts away from him. He was just being unrealistic now.

The pair automatically walked to the back and through the sliding doors. Right away, he saw Croc leaning against the wall. Diablo was about to greet him when the creature shushed him. The man held his tongue, and listened to the air.

“Kat, c’mon, love, hear me out.” Captain Boomerang. He did not receive a response. “...Katana, mate, you can hear me. I know ya can.” Still no response. It was slightly unsettling. “Alright, whaddaya want from me, hmm? What do I have to do?!”

“Stop talking.” Harley made an O shape with her lips. Croc let out a hissed breath. Katana was a brutal woman. To their surprise, there was no response. After a couple minutes, she spoke again. “Why do you try, Captain? I do not understand. You flirt with countless women, and probably are remembered as a one night stand. What on Earth goes on in your mind, what compels you?” Pause. “You can speak now.”  

“...I...you’re a different lass. You stuck around. You got me out of Hell. Why-”

“Wait.” Pause. Everyone held their breath. A door flew open and Katana poked her head out. Her almost black eyes immediately saw the trio gathered in the room. She made a noise in the back of her throat before she disappeared back into the room. “We can converse later.”

“But-”

“Later.” She was stern, serious, and extremely mature. Captain Boomerang was almost the exact opposite of her. Why did he have such a fondness for her?

“...right, right.” He stepped out of the room with her. His face went red as he saw his three friends staring at him. “...have you assholes been eavesdropping?”

“No! We just got here, silly!” Harley defended. Although Katana knew that was a lie, she did not give any hint towards the Australian about it.

“Right. Please, have a seat, friends.” She leaned forward on the counter and watched her friends all sit down in front of her. Boomerang lingered behind her like a shadow. “Anything happen to you?”

“I had to go to a career day for Zoe! I said I was a psychiatrist and I blamed my tattoo artist husband for my colorful appearance.” Croc chuckled. He seemed amused by the idea.

“That’s fucking cute.”

“What?  The made up story?”

“Nah. When you refer to Diablo as your husband.” Harley snickered while Diablo looked away with a flustered expression.

“Maybe one day it’ll be for real, eh?” Boomerang gave Diablo a punch in the shoulder. He narrowed his eyes slightly at the other man.

“What’s with you and marriage, man? Seems to be on your mind a lot.” He tilted his head towards Katana, who straightened up at the gesture. Boomerang growled back at the Hispanic.

“Would you knock it off, you-” Katana shot him a look. He pursed his lips, but forced himself not to speak again. Diablo raised his eyebrows.

“I’m impressed. You learned you lesson, ey?”

“What lesson?”

“About respecting your woman.” Boomerang rolled his shoulders in response.

“...yeah, I guess,” he mumbled.

“You regret that, huh? On your mind?” The Australian glared. Croc started to laugh at him when Diablo jabbed him in the ribs. “Hey. It’s not funny. You respect women like you would respect yourself.”

“I’d rather respect em more than I myself…” Boomerang mumbled.

“Or that, yes. Either way, you don’t want to be like that payaso.”

“No one wants to get down with that clown. Not after the shit he’s pulled,” Croc said bitterly.

“‘Exactly. Captain Boomerang, you have no shame in your regret. It is better to try to fix yourself than to attempt to let yourself crack, over and over, just like that man with green hair.”

“You really hate that bloke, huh?” Boomerang raised an eyebrow at him. Diablo merely shrugged.

“I have no reason to like him. Not after the shit he’s done, especially to women.”

“Would you take him, if you needed to?” Croc asked. Diablo cracked his knuckles.

“Needed to? Of course. He ain’t got nothin’ on me.”

“Santana?” A new voice entered the room. At his name being called, Diablo spun in his chair to face the person. His eyes narrowed as he recognized the man with sunglasses, except today he had on a leather jacket with a dark green shirt and blue jeans.

“Si?” He stood up to meet eye level with the man. Harley seemed to remember him as well, as she was squinting her baby blue eyes towards the man.

“I’m gonna need to borrow you for a sec.”

“What? Who-”

 **Bang**.

His eyes went wide as pain seared through his ribs. He gripped onto his chest as he bowed his head. “Carajo!” he hissed. He looked up the slightest bit to see the man now holding a gun. He moved to grab Diablo, but was too slow. Harley kicked him to the wall within a second. She took a breath before she was trying to hold Diablo up, telling him he’s fine, and it was just a scratch. All that blood in the wood was merely a hallucination, or at least he thought he heard. His head was reeling, and his heart was pounding uncomfortably.

“Get your asses in here!” the man yelled into a phone. The group of villains, well, mostly villains, jumped into a fighting stance as more men poured into the room. Their odds weren’t too bad, considering they had a mutant crocodile human with them, but number wise, it wasn’t looking too good. “Get the guy with tats! Don’t touch Harley!” Diablo snarled as he felt hands grabbing at him. Some were of his friends, trying to rescue him. Others were trying to get to him, and take him.

“Get off of him!”

“Let go, or you’re dinner, assholes.”

“Fuck off, dipsticks!” Clawed hands grabbed him out of the crowd and lifted him into the air. He looked down to see Croc growling and fighting off the attackers.

“Can’t you guys aim?! C’mon!” One of the goons was shouting before he fired again. The bullet was about to hit Diablo in the arm, but this was getting serious. He lit up and watched as the bullet disintegrated around the border of fire he made. Sadly, he forgot Croc was holding him, and fell to the floor with a grunt. He probably burned the man’s hands, but honestly he would prefer to do that over getting another bullet.

“Sorry,” he hissed to Croc, who shook it off. The mutant man moved Diablo behind him as he bashed someone’s skull in with his fist. He scratched off someone’s nose, followed by uppercutting another goon. He continued to do this, to fight them off and protect his friend, but the henchman were ganging up on him. Diablo raised his hand and washed his flames over them. They jumped back from the heat with wide eyes.

“What the Hell?!”

“Was that fire?!”

“Who the fuck cares? He’s down on the ground, he can’t do anything if he has more bullets in him. C’mon, aim correctly, idiots!” Bullets came flying at the two. Diablo did his best to make a fire barrier to protect the two, but he was growing weaker. He could technically melt the bullet in his ribs, but one thing at a time. He rather protect his friend than anything else.

“I didn’t know you could make a fire wall.”

“There is a lot you do not know about me, my friend.” He looked around the room. Harley was hitting someone over the head with her bat. She had a good advantage, considering everyone was ordered not to touch her. They had to take it, or dodge. Either way, they were getting their heads hit together by the Queen of Crime. Meanwhile, Boomerang was hiding behind the counter and taking intervals to throw his boomerangs, and hit as many people as he could. He seemed very annoyed, and rightfully so. This was his place after all.

Everyone turned as a figure flashed over the bar and into a man. That man went pale as he was sliced into two halves. Both collapsed onto the floor in a bloody mess, and it freaked out anyone near him. Katana was holding her sword proudly, looking ready to kill an entire military. She moved quickly as she kicked, elbowed, and sliced any criminal near her. She was muttering things in Japanese, keeping herself focused on fighting off anything that came at her.

“Holy fuck, we’re screwed,” one of the men said. He looked like he was about to run for it when another man next to him raised his gun. Diablo’s eyes went wide.

“No!”

 **Bang**.

Silence.

The Soultaker fell to the ground.

“Don’t bring a sword to a gunfight,” the shooter murmured with a smirk. There was only twelve henchman left, and they were all staring down at the woman. She held a hand over her heart for moment as her black eyes darted around the room. She started to lean towards her sword when her body couldn’t take it anymore.  Her knees caved in, and the black haired woman collapsed onto the wooden floor. She looked up towards the counter to lock with a pair of blue eyes staring at her.

“...Katana?” Boomerang jumped over the counter and fell to her side. She looked up at him, examining his face. She gave him a small smile, a kind he had never seen on her face before. A smile that was for him.

Her eyes closed.

“Kat?”

Silence.

He watched her chest, told himself she was still breathing. She was still alive. His glass-like eyes went over her, looking for any sign of life.

Her chest rose. Then it fell.

It did not rise again, just like the Captain’s hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.  
> :^)
> 
>  
> 
> (Tbh if i was a reader, I would beat myself up for this)


	4. T u e s d a y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...what's this?"
> 
> (Shrugs innocently)  
> You tell me!   
> Have fun! 
> 
> "...Oh no."  
> Hehehehe

For the longest time, the room had been enveloped in silence. Everyone was staring down at a man with sad, blue eyes. He had his arms wrapped around a limp body. It was a woman with beautiful black, short hair. Her eyes were shut, and her head was rested against the man’s chest. Carefully, he let go of her, placing her lightly on the floor as if he were setting her to bed. Slowly, he stood up. His head remained bowed as his blue eyes locked on the man holding a gun. 

“You…” He reached into his coat as he started to walk towards the shooter. “You.” He pulled back his lips in a snarl. Everyone was watching, daring not to move. “You!” he screamed before he slashed out at the man. The shooter’s eyes went wide as he coughed and choked. A red welt spread across his neck as blood spilled down his shirt. “Fuck you!” Captain Boomerang snapped before he kicked the man in the ribs as hard as he could. His eyes darted towards the next goon closest to him, and he moved to jab his bladed boomerang into the man’s eye. The henchman let out a scream, only to be silenced a second later as Boomerang stabbed him over, and over, until he was sprawled out on the floor. That Australian was brutal. 

Diablo noticed one of the goons took out a gun, to which he raised his hand and burned the man’s hand. He let out a shriek and dropped his gun to the floor. Croc glanced down at his Hispanic friend with a questions in his eyes. ‘Can I?’ Diablo hesitated before he gave an approving nod. The mutant returned a huge grin before he launched himself at a fourth goon and sank his teeth into it’s neck. The tattooed man forced himself to look away as he began to sit up, only to be kicked across the floor. He let out a grunt as he slid away from his squad.

“You’re a mess of trouble, Santana. But we got orders from Jo-” The goon choked out a screech as the Soultaker went through his chest. His blood laced it like a painted on design. As soon as the sword as pulled out, he crumbled onto the floor. Behind him stood the infamous Harley Quinn, gripping Katana’s sword.

“Damn, this thing is sharp.” Diablo stared at her in surprise. She looked down at him with a big grin. “Hey, hot stuff. Hanging in there?”

“That is one way to describe it, yes.” She offered a hand, which he gladly took to help himself stand. The two glanced over at Boomerang, who was in the middle of taking down the eleventh goon, slashing his throat over and over until the head was close to falling off. He kicked the body away before he turned on two more that didn’t stay down. He took out another boomerang with spikes before he jabbed one into each of their ribs. They let out choked shrieks before they collapsed. Boomerang’s eyes flicked towards a body that twitched. He threw down his bladed weapon and watched as it sliced across the man’s face. To say the least, the body ceased twitching. He grabbed the boomerang as it flew back towards him. His eyes trailed over the nine thugs surrounded by him. None of them moved a muscle. Even if anyone was still alive on that floor, they would be killed on the spot if they tried anything. This included taking a breath.

The couple exchanged a glance before Diablo carefully walked over to Boomerang, who looked beyond enraged. “Boomerang?”

“What?!” he snapped. He turned on his friend with bared teeth and clenched fists. Diablo stepped back with his hands up.

“Hey, man, it’s okay. It’s me, your amigo.” Boomerang took a minute to scan over the man in front of him before he lowered his shoulders. He stared for a minute before he grabbed Diablo in an embrace. The Hispanic man stiffened. He wanted to pull away, mainly because his ribs were on fire, but he was held tight. 

“...fuck.” Boomerang seemed upset. He bowed his head in defeat.

“You are saddened over Katana. Do not worry, she is in a better place, now.” Silence lingered for a moment.

“I know, but...I want ‘er to be with me…” he mumbled. Diablo looked at his friend in surprise. Never had he seen the Australian so distraught. 

“...uno momento.” Diablo managed to step away from Boomerang. His eyes landed on the twelfth henchman, the only one alive. The thug was trying to make a run for it, but Diablo was fast. He was on the goon in five seconds, running to grab his arms and pin them behind his back. “Aye, you think you can get away?!” Harley walked over to stand in front of the criminal. She narrowed her eyes before she began to raise her bat.

“This is gonna be like breaking open a piñata. And Croco, here, gets to eat the candy inside! Well, it’s candy to him.” Croc licked his lips at the thought. Just as the woman began to raise the bat, Diablo put out a fiery hand.

“Wait! No, we don’t need to kill anyone else.” She pouted.

“Aw c’mon, they’re not innocent! One of them shot you! And another one kill-” She held her tongue as she caught Boomerang’s gaze. “...you know.”

“I’m aware of the circumstances, man, but we need to figure this out. Interrogate his ass.” 

“Then can I eat him?” Croc flashed an innocent grin.

“You have at least twenty bodies lying on the floor. Start with those.” He grumbled annoyedly as he walked over towards the bodies scattered across the floor. As he got near Katana’s body, Boomerang snatched her away and held her bridal style. He glared at Croc.

“Relax, I’m not gonna fucking touch her. Good lord…fucking Australians, man.” He grabbed a random thug up off the floor and ripped open his neck. His teeth and mouth were stained red, but at least he looked happy. 

“So, listen, bro, you could end up like your friend is over there with mine, or you can answer some questions. Understood?” Diablo bent the man’s arm inward. He croaked out a pained noise before he nodded.

“Who sent you?”

“J-Joker did.” Harley and him exchanged a look. A ‘what the fuck does he want’ look. 

“Why?”

“Someone saw you with Harley, and he don’t take no competition with other guys. He just takes them down.” Diablo squinted down at him. 

“Competition?”

“Yeah, he thinks you’re riding up on the queen. Joker doesn’t let people like you stick around.” Harley’s nose twitched before she twirled her bat in her hand. 

“So, Mistah J thinks I’m cheating?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Well, you can tell him-” Her eyes locked with Diablo. She slowly closed her mouth, and thought for a moment. He watched her carefully, looking over her face for a sign of what her answer could be. She held his gaze for the longest time until she closed her eyes and took a breath. “You can tell The Joker to go fuck himself.” Diablo nearly choked on the air. Croc’s jaw dropped as an eyeball escaped from his bloody mouth. His red eyes were wide in surprise. Boomerang stared at her with a raised eyebrow, but there was a hint of pride in his eyes. ‘She finally made the right choice,’ he thought. Her three male friends were staring at her with big eyes. They were impressed, proud, and mostly shocked. 

“W-what did you say?”

“I. Said. The Joker. Can go fuck himself. Go to Hell. Get shoved out of a window. Stay the Hell away. What else do I need to say to make it clear?” Even the henchman gaped at her. No one would say that to Joker and live. Everyone knew that, and Harley probably saw anyone who spoke like that get their head blown off. Yet, she didn’t seem worried, at all. “Now, why don’t you go back, tell him that, and also inform him he doesn’t have to worry about any funerals?” She gestured towards Croc, who looked over at her with an arm held between his teeth.

“Whut?” he said through the ligament.

“Don’t talk with a dead body part in your mouth, Waylon!”

“Sovwy.” He ripped off a patch of a skin and licked up any blood that had spattered onto the limb. Harley turned her attention back to the thug.

“I’m assuming you need to take pictures?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Diablo, let go for a second.” He seemed hesitant to do so. “Just do it. And, uh...Mouse?”

“Y-yeah. You know me?”

“Of course! I know my men. Give me your phone. That’s how you send him shit, right?” Mouse slowly nodded. Diablo let go, and he reached into his back pocket to give the half blonde his phone. She pulled up the camera as she walked over to Diablo. “Put up your finger.”

“...what?”

“Flip the bird,”

“...que?!”

“Keep your middle finger up, and the rest down.”

“Wh- why?”

“I’ll explain in a moment, just do it.”

“...listen, if this is towards the Joker-”

“Oh for God’s sake, fine. Don’t do anything. Just, smile.” Diablo furrowed his brow, but he did it. He didn’t know why he should be smiling, his friend was dead in his other friend’s arms, and he still had a bullet lodged in a rib bone. 

But you do not argue with Harley Quinn twice in a row. 

“Great!” She flipped the camera to the front before she wrapped her arm around Diablo’s shoulders. He looked at her curiously, but didn’t say anything. The woman flipped the bird towards the camera with a big grin as she snapped the picture. Diablo was about to relax when she gave him a big kiss on the cheek. His eyes went wide and his cheeks turned a dark red. She snapped another picture. She pulled away to look at the two selfies and beamed at them. “We look good! I need to send these to myself...and to you! Hehe.” Diablo looked stunned. Harley just kissed his cheek, took a picture, and is probably going to send it to the Joker.

This may cause some issues. 

He didn’t care, though. He couldn’t get over she just kissed him. Neither could his friend. He glanced over at Croc, who was giving a thumbs up - and it wasn’t his thumb.

“Croc, come on.” Diablo couldn’t help but crack a grin at his friend. It looked pretty funny, honestly, seeing him holding up the arm like it was his. Meanwhile,  Boomerang wasn’t looking at them. He was stuck on staring at Katana. He was silently mourning her, beating himself up mentally for not doing something. He just hid behind a counter, throwing shit. Did that even do anything? Did he even take down a guy? Probably not. Not when it mattered.

“Diablo, can you do me a favor?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Can you make letters with fire?” The man smirked at the lady.

“Absolutely.”

“I’m gonna leave it up to you, but express how you feel about the Joker.” Diablo thought a minute before his eyes lit up. They glowed a beautiful orange as he lifted his hands to form a word. It was in Spanish, a word he had heard and said many times: Chingate. Just in case the clown did not know the word too well, he decided to write it in a language he should understand. He put up his middle fingers as he went over the word and made two simple letters appear: F U. He had a huge grin on his face. 

Harley squealed with delight after she finished recording her friend. “‘That was so cool! We gotta have a run with your powers sometime, eh?” She lightly elbowed him, but he didn’t seem to agree too much to the idea.

“We’ll see, man.” Harley tapped the phone a couple times, scrolling through and hitting a couple buttons before she shut it off and handed it back to Mouse.

“Here you are! You’re all set. Now run along before we have to kill you!” She gave an innocent grin, but it scared the crap out of the thug.

“Y-yes, Harley. Bye.” Just like the rodent he was nicknamed after, he scurried out of the room and, hopefully, out of the building. Everyone waited until the thug was gone before they let out a breath.

“Finally. I thought we were gonna die,” Harley mumbled under her breath.

“Speak for yourself.” Boomerang walked over to the counter and laid Katana’s body carefully on the wooden top before he sat down at a stool in front of her head. Harley frowned sadly at her friend. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be alright, she-”

“-is not coming back.” Boomerang had a bitterness in his voice. It made her frown more. The woman walked over to try and comfort her friend while Diablo looked over at Croc.

“You have lipstick on your cheek, bro.” The Hispanic touched his cheek only to find red on his fingertips. He blushed slightly before he shook his head. It’s fine, don’t think too much of it.

“It’ll burn off. Can you hold something for me, homie?”

“Sure.” Diablo took off and tossed over his black shirt before he stretched his arms up to the sky. “Whoa, hang on, dude. I like you, but-”

“Shut up,” he hissed at his mutant friend. Croc chuckled before gestured for Diablo to get on with whatever he was doing. The man took a breath before his chest lit on fire, and crept up his arms and neck, and eventually enveloped his head. 

“Whoa, holy shit.” His red eyes widened at the sight of his friend looking like a match. “Daaaaamn.” Harley and Boomerang looked over with curious looks. She nearly had a heart attack at the sight.

“Holy fuck, don’t burn yourself!” Her blue eyes looked over him with curiosity and awe. Diablo took a breath and extinguished his flame with a smile. “What did you do that for?!”

“Melted the bullet. One of the many advantages of having a soul of fire. Comes in handy, most of the time.” Croc threw back his black shirt, which he gladly put back on. He rolled his shoulders, feeling a lot better. Boomerang looked over him before shaking his head and bowing it towards Katana.

“Jesus Christ…”

“You called?” His blue eyes flicked up to meet with deep, dark, brown eyes. They were on a face with a small smile. 

The beautiful face of Katana.

“...holy fuck,” he muttered. Harley and Diablo dropped their jaws at the sight of their friend sitting up, and talking.

Breathing was the hardest thing to register, though.

“What the...” He was in complete shock. How was she alive? He saw her get shot, fall to the ground, and cease breathing. 

“You...she...what…” On instinct, Harley grabbed her bat that had been placed against the counter, and started to raise it when Croc lifted it up, along with her still clinging to it.

“What the Hell are you doing?”

“She’s a zombie! That’s the only explanation!” 

“Zombie’s aren’t real.”

“Really?! In a fucking world where we have human crocodiles, men of fire, and witches, you REALLY THINK zombies can’t exist?!” Croc narrowed his eyes at her before he let go of the bat, and let her fall back onto the floor. Katana looked over at them before she let out a small laugh. Harley squinted at her. “Alright, fuck no, that’s not Katana. She don’t laugh. This is bullshit, I’m calling it!” The half blonde moved to attack the Japanese lady, only to have Diablo holding to her back.

“Harley, Harley! No bats!”

“But what if this is some shit from the witch?!”

“Harley, people come back from the dead without being hallucinations.” He kept a straight face, but didn’t mind to give her a wink. She let out an annoyed sigh as she dropped her bat onto the ground. 

“Alright. You better have a good reason for being alive, lady.” Katana held back a small laugh as she grabbed the edges of her wrapped up white shirt that covered her upper chest. She pulled it up to show black, thick material protecting her. 

“Bullet proof,” she explained. Sure enough, there was a slight dent over her heart. 

“Is...is that...a fucking bullet proof bra?!” Harley was in absolute disbelief. Croc chuckled under his breath at the thought. “Can  I have one of those?!  Holy shit, that is such a good idea…”

“Well, it’s more of an adjusted vest, but...I suppose.”  Katana pulled down her shirt and brushed herself off.

“Wait. You stopped breathing.” Diablo raised an eyebrow at her. She shrugged slightly, as if not breathing was normal. 

“You would be surprised at my range of skill. I am capable of holding my breath for around five point fifty three minutes. Almost six, I suppose, but I have yet to reach that record.”

“You looked dead for more than five minutes.”

“You are not very observant people, I must say.” Croc cackled, holding his chest in case he burst a lung from wheezing.

“Y’all shoulda seen it coming. She got no blood on a white shirt.”

“Hey, shut the fuck up. You should have called it, or at least placed a bet.” Harley crossed her arms.

“Well sorrrrryyyyy.”Croc sassily waved his clawed hands. “I didn’t know we were allowed to place bets on dead people.”

“Yes you did! That's what we did with Chato! Which reminds me, I owe you fifty bucks. Ugh.”

“...excusa?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing! Nothing! Uh so anyways, why were you playing dead?” Katana thought a moment before she glanced towards Boomerang, then back at Harley. 

“Considering the amount of enemies, someone was bound to get severely injured, or even killed, soon enough. As much as we are powerful, an angry Captain can take down multiple people in a punch. I expected he would not take my death well, and I was glad to see my theory was correct. Before I knew it, you were all safe. Besides, I did not really wish to risk the chance of getting shot again.”

“So, you are telling us that you faked your death to piss off Boomerang so he would kill those goons?”

“Mm...yes. That summarizes it well. It seemed fairly logical. Sorry if I worried any of you.” She glanced towards Boomerang, and looked over him. She looked like she had words stuck in her throat, something she wanted to say. If she really did, though, they were never uttered. 

“...you good, Boomer?” The Australian was locked on Katana with a straight face. Nothing about his face gave away anything. “Boomer?” Diablo repeated.

“You tricked me, eh?” He was completely focused on Katana, who looked slightly startled. 

“I would not use that word, but I suppose. I apologize to have mislead you. Are you alright?” For a moment, Boomerang seemed calm. Almost happy.

And then he stood up, and grabbed Katana by her shoulders to look her right in the eye.

“If you ever do that again, you’re not gonna be gettin’ back up after ya ‘die’. We clear?”

“You are in no position to make a threat, Digger.”

“Listen ‘ere,  Tatsu-”

“George.” Harley had to restrain herself from snorting. 

“They sound like us,” she whispered to Diablo, who now had to stop himself from laughing. 

“Don’t get me angry again, darl.”

“I am not scared of you, Captain. Whether you’re angry, which you are not, or happy, which you are to see me.” She gave the man a smirk, who took it fairly well. 

“I ain’t denying that. You ain’t doin’ that shit again, though.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“You really want me holdin’ you ‘gainst me again, for that long?” For a second, it seemed like Katana was in a corner. Then, she moved her legs to dangle over the counter, to brush up against Boomerang’s.

“I did not mind. If anything, I would have considered it endearing. You are rather attached, hmm?” His blue eyes went wide as he stared down at her. 

“You...” His eye twitched as he drifted off. 

“Captain? Is something wrong-” Her eyes flew open as he grabbed her roughly and pressed his cut up lips against hers. She started to raise her hand to slap him when she caught Harley’s eye. The half blonde shook her head at Katana and gave an encouraging grin. As much as Katana wanted to smack him upside the head, the man had done a lot of shit for her today. So, she let it slide, and leaned towards the kiss as she lowered her hand. She pushed him away, however, when he started to run a hand through her black hair. He still had a big grin on his face.

“What changed ye mind, love?”

“My mind has not changed. However, it is worth mentioning most men do not tend to throw murderous fits when a girl they know dies. Nor do they demonstrate calm gestures after slaughtering several men.” Boomerang laughed. He cracked his jaw before spoke again.

“And most girls don’t pretend to die so I lose my shit.” Katana smiled with a hint of mischievousness on her face. 

“Don’t get any ideas, Digger.” She turned to move away before Boomerang wrapped his arms tightly around her in the toughest bear hug she’s ever had to endure. “Hhgh.”

“Just don’t fuckin’ die on me ‘gain.” His voice was low, so no one else could hear him. “That was somethin’ else…”

“You really missed me, huh?” He didn’t answer her. He never did. 

But she knew. She always knew. 

“Christ, I still can’t get over it.” He spoke louder this time. “You just rose up like that.”

“Oh my God.” Everyone turned to look at Harley, who had a lightbulb go off in her head. “I just got it! Ha!” 

“Got what?”

“She got up when Boomerang said Jesus Christ! Ahaha! I see what you did there!” The half blonde laughed hysterically, leaning forward as she wheezed in attempt to breathe.

“Good lord,” Croc muttered under his breath.

“I believe you mean ‘Good Katana’,” Diablo joked. Croc slowly looked over at him before he pulled the Hispanic away from Harley, on the other side of the mutant. “What are you doing?”

“I think you’ve been spending too much time with Harley, you’re beginning to disappoint me and I can only handle so much of that, Chato.” That got everyone laughing, even Katana, who was still being pressed up against her friend. It felt good, to laugh together, to feel relieved and calm, happy. Diablo was okay, despite getting shot. Harley finally told off the Joker, even showed him the finger and had enough confidence to kiss another man and show him she moved on. Croc got to eat a lot of corpses, which is always great. That way, no one needed to clean this mess up. Katana was alive, thankfully due to their regretful choice of aim, and she seemed to have grown a slight fondness for the Captain after seeing him get so upset over her. And Boomerang? He got his wish. He got his Katana back. Everyone was alright, and alive.

For now.

 

In other places, however, not everyone was thrilled about their day.

“What?!” A table got thrown across the room, scaring off a couple of bystanders. “What the fuck is this?!” Someone was extremely upset, considering they were now throwing chairs. The room was going to need a new dining room set at this rate. “Who the fuck is that?!”

“She called him Diablo, that’s all I know! It’s some Hispanic guy with fire powers!”

“WHAT?!” Another chair slammed into the wall and cracked into millions of pieces. “Fire?!”

“Y-yeah, boss. D-d-d-didn’t you see the video?”

“What. Video?”

“H-here, b-boss.” Shakily, the man handed over the iPhone. The man looked through his messages until he found a video with a thumbnail of a man. He tapped on it, and slowly watched as the tattooed man lit the air with fire letters. His green eyes went wide at the sight of the big F U. The boss drew his lips back in a snarl before he slammed the phone down and screamed.

“That’s IT!” Everyone backed away. 

“J-Joker, calm down-”

“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” he snapped. Everyone was rigid in fear. “YOU.” He pointed at Mouse, the only one who witnessed everything. “Call Harley, then give me the phone. NOW.” Mouse scrambled to grab his own cellphone as he quickly pulled up her contact information and tapped the phone icon. As the phone began ringing, he shakily handed the phone to Joker. He glared down at Mouse as he placed the call on speaker phone. He wanted everyone to hear this. 

 

Diablo was in the shower when Harley heard her phone go off. Out of habit, she answered the phone without looking at the caller I.D. She was dangling her head off of the bed, with a lollipop in her mouth. Zoe had given it to her earlier as a thank you gift. She got her favorite flavor, too - cherry! 

“This is Harley, how can I help you?”

“Harley!” She nearly choked on her pop. The Joker’s voice took her off guard.

“M-mistah J?”

“That’s right, baby! Miss me?” Harley didn’t know how to respond. Didn’t he get her messages?

“Uh, n-not too badly.”

“Oh yeah, I can imagine! You seem busy.” He said the last word bitterly. 

“Eheh, I g-guess-”

“Listen, let’s cut to the fucking chase.” She swallowed. A bad feeling was crawling up on her. “I just got your cute, little selfies. And I gotta say, these better be a joke. And if they are? It’s not very funny.” Harley knew that tone. She heard it every time she disobeyed him, went against an order, anything like that. He used on other people too, and she knew very well what happened when they didn’t backtrack, apologize, and fix it. Most of the time they wouldn’t live into the morning. 

“S-sorry,  Puddin’! I w-was just teasing you! T-there’s nothing going on, I promise!”  She could envision him now, seeing him smirking, knowing he won; again. It made her feel weak, but there was nothing else she could do. 

“Of course there isn’t! I knew it! Oh I just knew it! It was all some joke, right?!” He laughed right in her ear. It made her shudder.

“Y-yeah! Exactly! J-just a joke!” 

“So who’s that guy in the picture? Diablo, I’ve been told?”

“O-oh, Diablo? He’s just a friend, n-nothing more, Mistah J! I promise.” The words stung her tongue to say. Thank goodness he was in the shower, she didn’t want him to hear this. 

“Marvelous! Stupendous! Maybe we’ll have him over sometime, hmm?!”

“Uh, y-yeah, maybe!” Harley would never invite Diablo over, mainly for the reason she didn’t want him to die. 

“Alright, enough talking. I want to see you! Come home.” Her blue eyes went wide. Home?

“B-but Puddin’,  I-”

“Now, now, no buts! Unless it’s mine! Ha!” 

“Y-yeah, but M-mistah J-”

“Aw, c’mon now, Harley, I know you like to be with your friends, but it’s been long enough now. Let’s go. Maybe I can even drive there.” His voice had something sinister hidden within it. It made her scared, remembering that look he used to give her whenever she went out with Poison Ivy. The same look she received when she spoke about any of her friends. It was something beyond jealousy, something Joker experienced and never talked about. It was like whenever he felt like he lost his grip, his control, he wouldn’t stand for it. He would tug on the leash tighter and choke his victim with it so they wouldn’t do it again. 

“J-Joker, I- gah!” She jumped as she saw a shadow standing over her again. It’s eyes were glowing right at her. “Oh, not this again…”

“What? What again? Harley, what’s going on?” 

“Dr.Quinn, it is me.” Harley squinted towards the shadow and was able to make out the facial features. She could see the outlines of the tattoos, the narrowed eyes, and the square chin.

“...Diablo?” To her surprise, the phone was snatched out of her grip. She quickly sat back up, whipping her hair to the back as she moved to face her friend. 

“What?! Diablo?! Harley, what the fuck-”

“Do not speak to her like that, payaso,” he spat into the phone. Harley stared in disbelief. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. 

“Who the fuck are you? What did you call me?!”

“I am El Diablo. If you do not speak Spanish, you can ask one of your friends. I will never assist you in anything, even translations.”

“You…”

“You have seen my face, you have seen pictures, yet I have never seen you. All I know is you are a sad little clown who hides behind a smile, and an angry frown. You think you can control anyone you wish. You think you have a hold on Harley. You disgust me.” 

“You don’t know who you’re messing with, amigo, haha! You’re starting to get on my last nerve, pal.”

“We are not friends. We never will be. If you think otherwise, you are una idiota grande.” The  Joker growled from the other side of the phone. He was not pleased, not in the slightest. 

“Oh, I see what this is. Big fire man thinks he’s in love, hmm?! With my girl?! So you’re trying to fight me off, is that it?”

“She is not your girl, nor mine. She is her own woman, although I am sure you are not familiar with that concept.” The clown prince of crime snarled. “What are you, a dog? Making noises into the phone does not unsettle me. I have heard and seen far worse than you, payaso.”

“Wow, wow! Look at you, standing up like a knight in tattooed armor! That’s cute, adorable, hysterical! But you’re wrong, fire boy. She loves me, she adores me, she worships me, and there’s nothing you can do about it. She will never love you, because she is stuck to me.” With every word the clown said, Diablo grew angrier. “You don’t have anything. I made her, I love her, and I keep her safe. You haven’t done jack shit.” He laughed hysterically into the phone, like this was amusing, all just a show. 

“Fuck you.” Harley stared at her friend in shock. She’d never seen him so mad. “You have never kept her safe. If you ever come near her again, I’m going to send you back to Hell! Stop treating her like she is a pet of yours, puto.”

“Alright, I know that word, and that is not funny-”

“The only thing funny here is you. Your life is a joke!” The woman mumbled an “oh shit” under her breath. “You are not a mighty man who has power over whatever he likes! You are simply a psychopath who let one bad day get to him!” Harley was speechless. 

“How did you know…?”

“Research is not hard, my friend,” he explained to her away from the phone. 

“This is your last warning, buddy-”

“No, this is yours. If I ever see you calling, speaking, or even daring to walk near Harley Quinn, I will personally send you down to Hell! I have heard what you do, especially to this young lady. I will not stand for it! So, Joker, one don’t you go sleep with one of your hookers? Just another woman you have disrespected, but that is nothing new.”

“You...little...this isn’t over, Diablo, I’ll be laughing at your funeral soon! Haha!”

“ Estás muerto, cabrón.” He hit the end button and handed the phone back to Harley. He looked like he was going to punch a hole in the wall. 

“...whoa,” she murmured. She wasn’t sure what to say. He just stood up for her, and kicked Joker’s ass to the curb. “...thank you.” He looked over at her and gave a small nod. 

“Anything for a friend.” He started to walk away when Harley leaped off the bed to jump onto his back. He almost fell, but he managed to catch himself.

“Diablo, I wanted to tell you something.”

“...yes?” She could still hear the anger in his voice, but it wasn’t towards her. She could tell he wanted to slam his clenched fists into a familiar, white, grinning face. In a way, it was reassuring.

“You’re not my friend. You’re something else.” He glanced back towards her with a confused expression. She smiled sweetly. “You heard me, right? Saying I loved the Joker? That was bullshit. You know that, right?”

“Do you?”

“...yeah, I do. Besides, who else would I love besides my tattoo artist husband?” She dangled over his chest so she was capable of seeing his face. He was staring at her with bright eyes. Slowly, a smile appeared on his face. 

“Come here, you.” He wrapped his arms around the half blonde and hugged her tightly. She laughed and hugged him back, entangling her legs around his torso. Harley let out a sigh as she rested against him. 

“Hmm...your name makes a lot more sense now.” He cracked a grin towards her.

“Oh? How so?”

“Demons are only scared of the Devil himself.”

 

The Joker stood there for minutes, listening to the dial tone beeping in his ear. Slowly, he lowered his cellphone with a blank face. There was something stirring inside him, preparing itself to go off. 

“...Jo Jo.” He looked towards one of his henchmen, who looked absolutely scared out of his mind. 

“Y-y-yes, sir?”

“Get the kill list. We have a new name to add.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This day went from a 0 to 1058, TO A GOD DAMN 2000, then a sad 513, THEN ANOTHER 1000, then a 5, BACK UP TO A 316, And then back down to 0.  
> HOH LEE SHIT.   
> GOOD KATANA.   
> EVEN DRAKE CAN'T DESCRIBE THIS STORY'S NUMBER RANGE  
> It's only the third day, I honestly need to chill (Nah Im kidding, I'll never chill)  
> Okay but seriously, I hope this made up for the last chapter, because everyone was freaking out and I just  
> YOU GUYS WERE ACTUALLY REALLY FUNNY, I MEAN YOU WERE NOT OKAY, BUT IT WAS HONESTLY HILARIOUS  
> You guys actually made my day after I had a terrible morning, so this is my way of saying Thanks~  
> Oh and, since this day was a lot longer and jUST A MESS OF EMOTIons, Wednesday is probably going to be shorter and tamer  
> I'll try to make it cute haha, somehow  
> Annddd I'm gonna be a bit busier now, so there won't be an update every day, or every other day, but hopefully once a week  
> Alright, cool cool, enjoy!


	5. Wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is so short compared to the other ones but I wanted to get it out as soon as humanly possible to you guys because you've been waiting so long, it's kind of a buffer to let you know what's going on and what you need to look out for, I really hope I can actually finish this story!

“I can’t believe it!” Harley called out as she came back into the apartment, finishing her task of driving Zoe to school. Diablo leaned back in his chair at the kitchen table with a raised eyebrow, or rather a raised muscle.

“Something wrong?”

“Kind of. It’s Wednesday! That means we’re basically halfway through the week!”

Diablo relaxed at the lack of imminent danger. “I thought he was going to be gone for awhile.”

“He’s coming back next Sunday, I’m pretty sure. We did agree to a week, after all.” Harley’s face fell as she thought about it. “Darn, and we were just getting to know each other!” 

“That is quite the understatement.” Diablo focused on his cereal and the newspaper as he took a sip of his coffee. He nearly fell off of his chair as Harley slammed her hand down in front of him. He furrowed his brow, his eyes narrowed. “You nearly spilled my leche all over the sports section.”

“You pay attention to sports?” Diablo rolled his eyes, but they landed right back on her.  Her pale complexion was hidden under nothing. No makeup, not even lipstick or eyeliner. Her face glowed as she looked down upon him. Her hair was thrown back in a messy bun, naturally arranged so that her sidebangs fell slightly in front of her face. She was wearing a simple nightgown, pure black, that covered her nicely. Despite his first impressions of her, something seemed to click inside of his head. She wasn’t the same woman he had first met. She was well put together, naturally beautiful without even trying, soft and sweet. 

“You okay, Chato? You look redder than my hair.”

Diablo cleared his throat and looked down at the newspaper again. “Soy bueno,” he mumbled to himself as he tried to focus on the printed words laid out in front of him.

It didn’t last long. 

Harley placed her hand on top of the newspaper to make him look up. She was smiling again, gently. “We should talk.”

“About?”

“Last night.” In the midst of the morning, he had nearly forgotten about all the screaming, the drama, the threats and the anger that flowed through him like a newly lit fire. He would have certainly punched a hole in the wall if it was his apartment. That place was certainly riddled with holes. 

“What would you like to discuss?” he said quietly, willing himself to maintain his eye contact with her. She smirked. 

“I wanted to...to thank you. No man that I’ve ever been with did that for me, stood up to someone giving me shit, and fuck, it was the Joker! You didn’t even take his shit! It was...amazing.” He actually managed to smile at her compliments. 

“Well,” he muttered. “I couldn’t let him hurt you like that. You deserve so much more, Dr.Quinn. You don’t need to worry about that man controlling your life anymore.” 

Then, Harley laughed. It was bitter, humorless, quiet. She finally took a seat across from him, but she had lost her eye contact. She breathed in before she spoke. “I never told him I was going to take care of Deadshot’s kid. I just told him I needed to go take care of a few loose ends, and that I’d be back soon. I never was going to stay this long, and I guess he started to catch on…” She began to grin. “I appreciate everything you did for me, but I’m not going to live to the end of this week, Chato. You don’t know the Joker.”

“Maybe so,” Diablo quickly interrupted. Harley looked up, surprised. “But I do not need to know him to protect you, chiquita.” 

Harley shook her head, smiling now. It looked genuine. “That’s sweet, really, but Mistah J...he’s something else. Hell, I’d be surprised if I did wake up tomorrow.” 

The anger returned to Diablo. The fire inside him was burning, screaming to escape, biting at his fingertips and chest. He curled his hands into fists and forced himself to remain calm as he spoke. “That’s not going to happen, Dr.Quinn.”

“Diablo-”

“No,” he snapped. Harley sat up straighter, surprised at his raised voice. “I will not let you get hurt again. Okay?” 

Harley frowned slightly, before she softly said, “Again?”

Diablo felt his face heat up. He hadn’t meant to say again, the situation just felt all too familiar. “I-”

He jumped as the newspaper underneath his hands set ablaze. Harley shrieked, immediately flying back in her chair. In hysterics, Diablo stood up and ran over to the sink, using his empty coffee mug to fill with water. He quickly threw it onto the table, soaking the ashes of The L.A. report. He put the cup back down on the counter, taking in a few breaths to calm himself down. Slowly, he looked over at Harley, whose wide eyes had yet to leave the table. His hands were shaking. How could he lose control like that?

He grabbed his letterman jacket off of the back of his chair and put it on quickly. He quickly went for the door, barely opening it when Harley spoke up. “Where are you going?”

Diablo swallowed hard, but didn’t look back. “I do not know.” He stepped out into the hallway. He heard Harley call something to him, but he didn’t want to hear it. He slammed the door behind him and headed down to the right. He needed air, the outdoors, the cold atmosphere. Just for a minute.

At the other end of the hall, a man in a dark grey outfit was leaning against the wall. He waited until Diablo disappeared before he approached the door he had come out of. The man raised his wrist, speaking into a watch. “I’ve got the apartment number.”

“Excellent,” a maniacal voice spoke in his ear. 

Another one chimed in, far deeper. “We found the girl’s school.”

“Do you know what she looks like?”

“Nah, we’re watching to see when she gets out.”

“You know they get out at like three, right?” the man muttered. He lowered his watch as a woman left her apartment, giving him the dirty eye. He casually flipped her off, leaving her to scoff and scurry off to the elevator. He rolled his eyes and focused back on his partner.

“Yeah, we know, just gotta be prepared.”

“Who's doing the distraction?”

“You, dumbass. You got the apartment number, that’s the fucking point,” his partner hissed. The man groaned but didn’t further complain.

“Fine. I’ll handle it.”

“Good. Now get back to the warehouse, you’ve got work to do!” The high pitched voice returned. The man nodded.

“Got it. Heading out now.”

He turned off the watch and walked down the hallway, heading for the hallway. He stiffened as he watched the stairwell door open. Diablo came out, his eyes glued to the carpet as he dragged his feet back towards his apartment door. The man figured it wouldn’t hurt to ensure he had the correct number, so he took his time walking to the elevator. 

Diablo had been so focused on the patterns of the floor underneath him, he failed to take notice of the man walking past him. They brushed shoulders abruptly. He didn’t look up, merely muttered “Lo siento” before opening the apartment door. A strange feeling overcame him, and he briefly turned around to see what was bothering him. Just as the elevator doors were shutting, a familiar looking face was staring at him. It went by in an instant, and he was left to wonder who had been so interested in his existence.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been SO LONG since I've touched this and I might have some inconsistency problems cus I didn't reread all that much, and honestly I wasn't sure if i was going to continue this because it's been awhile and jazz, but I saw how you guys have still been commenting and telling me to bring it back, so here hopefully marks my return, and I hope to be able to actually finish this for you guys before the end of the summer 
> 
> Thank you for all the kind words and support!! And if anyone has any ideas or suggestions, please feel free to let me know cus tbh it's been so long I kinda forgot where I was going with this, but I'll get it! <3

**Author's Note:**

> So I came up with this idea after seeing a CoffeeShop AU and one of the notes said "Takes in zoe (deadshot's daughter) as their own" and the thought occurred to me "Who would be able to take care of a kid?"  
> And now, here we are  
> Suggestions, comments, and everything else is much appreciated  
> I'll try to add in drawings later  
> I normally don't do fanfictions, but hey, an idea is an idea, and if people like it, then great  
> 


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